Desiree Panlilio Website

Desiree Panlilio

Teen Life Coach

Desiree Panlilio is a Teen Life Coach and the Owner of Encouraging Teens, LLC. With over three years of experience, she specializes in helping teens and young adults define roles, set goals, develop healthy academic and personal habits, grow in leadership potential, and create their life paths. Desiree holds a BSN in Nursing from The University of Victoria and an MA in Human Services Counseling with a concentration in Life Coaching from Liberty University.

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Forum Comments (14)

Mean girl =🥺 what do I SAY?
Mean Girls, Gossip Girl—all fun until you are the target. Friends, we all want them. It is human nature that we all want to belong, to be part of a social group, and to be accepted. That goes back to the time of the caveman, when survival depended on the group. We were stronger as a group. Today, that is the same; we all want to be part of a “tribe” to have others notice us and encourage us, and at times carry our hopes and dreams.

What if that new friend isn't encouraging or inspiring, but is actually a "mean girl"? The most important thing you can do is protect yourself from that negative influence and behavior. Boundaries are important. If someone says mean things to you and makes you feel bad about who you are, that is not someone you should be around.

Option 1: tell that person how you feel. Yes, sharing or telling someone their behavior is not acceptable is hard and very scary in the moment. However, your mental health, your self-confidence, self-esteem, and the essence of you need to be protected from anyone who is not encouraging, supportive, and helping you become the best person you can be.

Option 2: to stop sitting by and engaging with that person. We do not have to, nor should we, subject ourselves to those who are trying to make us feel bad.

Option 3: involve an adult, a trusted teacher, a school counselor, someone you can share what is going on with and make you feel safe while also providing insight and guidance to the mean girl. Having an adult become involved allows the mean girl to have someone to talk to. Every one of us has unknown burdens, and often having someone to talk to will help the mean girl understand her burdens, help her to communicate better, and encourage her to be a better friend when she meets or makes other friends.
Help I'm not sure what's going on with my BFF...
You shared that this has been your best friend since first grade, which is really special. It’s natural that over the years both of you have grown, changed, and sometimes become passionate about different things. One thing a best friend should always do is lift you up, encourage you, and support what matters to you. If she is insulting something you feel excited or passionate about, have a conversation about it. Not a conversation where you blame her, but one where you calmly share your feelings and explain how it affects you when she makes fun of something that means a lot to you.

You shared that you are “intense” about some things, which means you are passionate. Passion is a good thing. We all deserve friends who respect and encourage the things that excite us, even if those interests aren’t exactly the same as theirs. Friendship involves encouraging one another, offering support, and helping each other grow into the best versions of ourselves. I have provided a link to a book on friendship that can help you build lifelong friendships, One Friend? Two Friends? Good Friend? Bad Friend?: Teen's Guide to Creating Lifelong Friendships.
fake friends: what should I do?
Wow, that is a difficult situation. If this person is your bestie, it is worth having an honest conversation. Share how you are feeling and how what she is saying about you affects you. Set a clear boundary and let her know that comments about your body are not okay. While her new friend group may be influencing her behavior, she is still responsible for her choices. Most importantly, protect your confidence. Real friendship should build you up, not slowly chip away at your self-worth. A great opportunity to purchase the book One Friend? Two Friends? Good Friend? Bad Friend?: Teen's Guide to Creating Lifelong Friendships. This book will help you understand and develop the friendships that encourage and inspire you.
The friend drama. I need advice please
This is a tough spot to be in. I would first encourage you to talk with your friends, all three of you together. By all three of you talking together, no one can say anything that can be misunderstood. Ask your friends if everything is okay, explaining that you noticed a change in how they are treating you since they made up – yes, be honest and share that you know they made up. Being honest helps everyone to be on the same page.

Let them know you value their friendship and you want to understand what happened. If they are not willing to talk with you, give it a little more time and approach them again. If they still don't want to talk, it may be time to involve the school counselor or a teacher you admire or respect, to help bridge the friendship. Sometimes having an adult help with explaining emotions and feelings is very helpful when our feelings are hurt.

In the future, if these two friends have a "fight" and come to you, I would share that the "fight" is between them, and that you value each of their friendships but refuse to listen to a problem that should remain between them.
How can one make high school something to the fullest? What was some of the best times you had?
I would encourage you to take advantage of any high school experience you are interested in, or may even push you out of what you would normally do. Why not join a running club, or try out for high jump in high school? Embracing these new experiences builds your confidence that you are capable of more than you realize. It allows you to try something that may lead to something you enjoy, or may lead to a fun story to share in the future. Either way, experiences in high school are about expanding who you are, challenging yourself to grow and stretch to keep pushing what your unlimited potential is. Gaining the confidence now to try take part in those high school experiences will help you to take advantage of experiences you may be offered later in your career and life.
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