Mark Fennell

First and foremost, narcissists have no empathy. Secondly, it's all about them. If they ever feel threatened, they'll blame someone else or they'll play the victim. They will always deflect responsibility and never take it for their actions. If they do something wrong, sinister, or toxic, they'll blame someone else for it, and then they'll play the victim.

They're manipulative, either overtly or covertly. They don't like taking criticism. They're all about their image. How they're perceived in public is more important than anything else. Ultimately, a narcissist is a self-absorbed person who has very little empathy or emotional understanding for others. They only like people who help them get where they want to go. They reject people who don't because they like people whom they can control.

I see this a lot, and I always say, "Don't ask why it happened. Ask, what now?"

When we ask why, we may never get the answers, and we spiral. Know that we can't change the past, but the future is a blank canvas. Turning anxiety into action can be extremely empowering.

Overthinking generally comes when we fear an outcome and we're not sure if it's going to happen or not. But worry never fixes anything because worry doesn't work. We can worry, or we can put in the work. "Do I need to text the person to clarify something I said?" If I can, let's do it. Do I need to ring them and say, "I'm a bit of an overthinker and I was overthinking that conversation. I hope you didn't take offense." If so, do it. Actions can help tremendously.

If it's something you can't take action on, understand that you're not perfect and hold on to hope. Believe in yourself, and believe that it will be okay. Ask yourself, "Is what I'm thinking about fact or is it fiction?" If it's in your head, it's just fiction. Don't bother giving fiction too much energy. Just deal with the facts.

Everyone feels a level of social anxiety. It doesn't matter who they are, but most people experience it to some degree. It's normal, it's natural, and it's totally okay to feel it.

Here's the thing about anxiety, which people don't always look at. Anxiety is a reaction to a perceived threat. It's a reaction to fear. Now, if we try and deal with the anxiety, that's one thing, but if we never deal with the fear, the anxiety might lessen, but it'll never go away because we haven't dealt with the fear.

I like to ask people, what are you afraid might happen? Because that's where anxiety comes from. We have this subconscious fear that something might happen. We might get judged, might get rejected, might not be liked, or might slip, might fall, might be wearing the wrong clothes, the wrong hair. It's often fear of judgment and fear of rejection.

When you're afraid, fear fuels the conversation. You're afraid of saying the wrong thing. You're stuttering over your words. You're nervous. But know this — talking about what you're afraid of sometimes helps anesthetize it a little bit. The fear is often worse than the thing itself.

One thing I coach is when you go into a room, don't make it about you; make it about them. Have some things that you can control, like icebreaker questions to steer the conversation. This takes the pressure off you and will open people up to you.

You should also understand that there is nothing to be afraid of. If people do react with rejection or judgment, it just tells you they aren't your people. They aren't for you.
Social anxiety comes when we have a lack of information. We're afraid of what people think, but we don't actually know what they think.

So go into the room and say, "I want to get to know people. If people don't like me, that's information I need to know. If they do like me, that's also information I need to know." Make a social situation a fact-finding situation to take some of the pressure off, and know you can always leave if you need.

To become a better leader, you've got to get good at talking to yourself. You have to develop self-awareness. Ask yourself, "What's bothering me and why? And, what's the solution?" Self-awareness is really key for a leader. What you don't want is a leader who's feeling anxious and burning out, and they don't realize it.

Know what you're good at, know what you're not good at, and don't try to be good at everything. That's confidence with vulnerability; that's self-awareness.

Leaders also need clarity and vision. If you want to lead, you have to be clear on where you're leading and why you, in particular, are leading. You need to be clear in the plan. Make sure you know how to communicate with people and understand different people, as this will help you convey your vision.

That's a great question because a lot of us know what to do. Most people know how to eat a bit healthier. They know they should walk a bit more, run a bit more, go to they gym. We all know what to do, but why don't we do it? We don't have a routine that facilitates the discipline. Routine and discipline go hand in hand.

What we think about most will define how we feel most, and how we feel most will govern our decisions. Our decisions will govern our actions. Our actions become our habits. Our habits become our character, and our character becomes our identity. So, at the end of the day, if we let ourselves just go where we want in our thoughts, well, then we'll be led by our emotions and never be disciplined.

Discipline comes when you ask the question, not who am I, but who do I want to be? And how do I want to feel in life? Then, once you establish your goal for who you want to be, remember that you must be consistent in order to see change. Better consistency is far greater than occasional brilliance. If you remember that, that's discipline right there. It's showing up when it's raining and when it's sunny.

If you spend 10,000 hours doing anything, you will become halfway good at it. You might even be brilliant at it. That's because of discipline. It's your tenacity and your consistency and routine that facilitate that. Establish a consistent routine, and discipline will come.