NV Gay Website

NV Gay

LGBTQIA+ Activist and Educator

NV Gay is an LGBTQIA+ Activist and Educator based in Columbus, Ohio. With a focus on empowering and uplifting marginalized communities, NV is a photographer, digital artist, educator, public speaker, and author of The Queer Allies Bible. Their work explores topics of the human condition bolstered by the words and lived experiences of NV’s subjects. In addition, NV is a board member of LOVEBoldly, an adjunct professor of photography at Columbus College of Arts and Design, and host of the Born This Way Podcast.

Professional Achievements

  • Published The Queer Allies Bible: The Ultimate Guide to Being an Empowering LGBTQIA+ Ally in 2025

Education

  • BS, Education, Ashland University
  • MA, Coaching, University of Concordia Irvine

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Forum Comments (11)

Hey guys! I'm in a bit of a situation. My parents think I'm just nonbinary but I'm also trans and I don't know how to tell them.
Transgender and non-binary are both trans. Transgender is an umbrella term that simply means that you identify differently from your assigned gender at birth. So that could be within the binaries as trans man, trans woman, or that can be within the non-binaries and all of these different genders. For instance, I identify as a transfemme gender fluid person. I identify in that non-binary spectrum. However, I present more on the femme side on a daily basis.

So first and foremost, being non-binary does mean you're trans. Trans is not one simple way of looking or being. So when you're explaining this to someone, you can explain to them that literally, transgender just means that you identify differently from how you were assigned at birth.

Here is a helpful graphic I created that helps explain the transgender umbrella – you have the umbrella and the handle. On the left side, you have trans man and trans woman, the binary, and that’s half of it. The right side is the non-binary. Non-binary itself is a whole other umbrella because under that, you have gender fluid, gender queer, agender, all of these different things. Transgender is one umbrella term that encompasses so many different identities because it really starts with: are you transgender or are you cisgender? Cisgender just means that you identify as the gender you were born into. Transgender means you do not.
how do I tell my family I'm nonbinary and make them believe that, and that its not a delusion or teenage hormones?
You can’t control whether they’ll understand or make them believe you, but I think it starts with approaching it through love and through this understanding that this is not something that you are doing to follow a trend or a fad. A lot of people will say that all this is just a fad now, even though transgender people and non-binary people have existed since the dawn of history.

It really comes down to approaching it with love and expressing, “I really want to tell you this. I want to share with you who I am. I've thought about this for a very long time, and I just do not feel right as a girl or as a boy. I feel more somewhere in between. I do not know exactly what that means right now, and it can change day-to-day, but for me, what I feel fits me best is they/them pronouns. Is being called by this name, is being seen this way. Being able to wear the clothes I want to wear, be the person I want to be. I do not want to fit into someone else's box, but rather be free to be who I am.”
Whats the they/them titles?
There are a lot of them out there, and it really comes down to what feels right to you. In all of these different non-binary terms, you can find stuff that feels right to you, and it's really just trying a lot of these things out.

My pronouns are they/she, so my wife will refer to me as both her wife and her partner, and she’ll flip back and forth. With our dogs, rather than going by mom, we created the term Demmy that I really enjoy as an alternative parent term. With my nephew, I go by Zizi. I will say the best one that I've always found is the honorific Mx. So, instead of Mr. or Mrs., Mx. I love it and feel like it just defines who I am.

So there are a lot of different things, but really it comes down to what do you want to be called? How do you want to be seen?
My dad asked me if I was trans...it went..questionably.
First and foremost, you're not alone. The best advice I can give you is do what you need to do for your sanity, your peace, and to be who you are for your own mental health. Whether that’s pushing back and standing your ground or letting it go, do what's best for you. In these situations, having a friend who knows about it and who you can talk to will help. Especially if you can have an adult in your life, like a family member who is loving and accepting, who is willing to use your chosen name, your preferred pronouns, that can help.

Sometimes our birth families never come around, so it is really important to find those people in your life, that chosen family, who will love and accept you for who you are. I made it through because I've had chosen family who have lifted me up, who have accepted me, who have showered me in love and grace, and just seen me for who I am. Because you cannot force someone to use your right name, to use your right pronouns. You cannot force someone, and I talk about it in my book, but often hate begets hate. If you try to combat people in an argumentative way, they're just going to double down. The way your father will come around to it is when he sees other people using your lived name, your preferred pronouns. When he sees people accepting you for who you are, that's how he will come around.
Am I actually Non binary?
I classify myself as a genderfluid trans femme person, so I very much identify within that non-binary label. I identify that way, even though 90% of the time, I'm more femme-presenting. I've had surgeries and been on hormones, and most people would look at me like I'm a trans woman, but that's not who I am. I know I'm non-binary and that the "they" pronoun works, and I love that because it's who I am. It's not necessary that you fit within what other people think of what non-binary is, or that you have to be androgynous all the time. You can absolutely be femme-presenting and still be non-binary.

I always say that the correct way to transition is the way that's best for you. There are just so many different ways to do it, so just do what makes you happy and what makes you feel comfortable within your own skin, not to conform to what other people expect. That's why we come out in the first place.
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Co-authored Articles (11)

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What Are Stud Lesbians? Meaning, Slang Origin & More

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LGBTQIA+ culture expert NV Gay explains this slang term and how to use it appropriately If you’ve been to certain corners of the internet, you’ve probably seen people use the term “fruity.” In a nutshell, it’s ...

What Is the Transgender Symbol? Its Origins & Meaning

Learn the fascinating history of the trans flag and symbolSymbols in the LGBTQ+ community are deeply meaningful, containing layers of history going back decades, centuries, and beyond. So, what exactly is the transgender...

What Does the Femboy Pride Flag Look Like?

LGBTQIA+ culture expert NV Gay explains what the femboy flag representsThe term ‘femboy’ is on an upswing, garnering quite a bit of attention in pop culture. With the world learning about this old identity with a new...

What Does Cassgender Mean? Everything You Need to Know

Learn where this term comes from & how to tell if you’re cassgender If you’re looking for a label to describe your gender identity and discovered the term “Cassgender,” you might be wondering what it means (and ...

What Does it Mean to Be Omniaromantic?

Everything you need to know about this romantic orientationOmniaromantic is a romantic orientation that describes someone who doesn’t feel romantic attraction toward others or enjoy romantic activities. These individua...