120 Hilarious Baby Jokes for Kids and Adults

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The best jokes about babies and pregnancy

Co-authored by Manuel Garavito and Raven Minyard, BA

Last Updated: August 30, 2025 Fact Checked

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Best

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Dad Jokes

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One-Liners

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For Kids

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For Adults

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Are you a new parent? Or maybe you’re going to a baby shower? If so, keep yourself and your loved ones entertained with some hilarious baby and pregnancy jokes! In this article, we’ve compiled a list of 120 of the best baby jokes for kids and adults alike. We also spoke to comedians Manuel Garavito and Reem Edan to give you some advice for telling jokes.

Hilarious Baby Jokes

Comedian Manuel Garavito recommends telling dad jokes that are gentle, innocent, and loving. Here are some of our favorite family-friendly jokes about babies:

When do parents change the most baby diapers? In the wee wee hours.
Does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on? No, they’re stork naked.
How do you make a baby ghost laugh? You play peek-a-boo.
How warm is a baby at birth? Womb temperature.
Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can’t carry the mother.

Section 1 of 6:

The Best Baby Jokes

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Make everyone laugh with a hilarious baby joke. Whether you’re a new parent, are friends with a new parent, or simply love telling jokes, there are a ton of hilarious baby jokes to choose from. Tell these at a baby shower, to relieve a bit of a new parent’s stress, or just because you feel like it!
- When do parents change the most baby diapers? In the wee wee hours.
- What do babies usually play in a band? Guitars with Waah! Waah! pedals.
- How warm is a baby at birth? Womb temperature.
- What do you call a baby birthed while skydiving? Air-born.
- Which search engine do babies use? Google Ga Ga.
- How did the baby know she was ready to be born? She was running out of womb.
- What do you call a group of baby soldiers? An infantry.
- Why are babies born on holidays more likely to be girls? There’s no mail delivery on holidays.
- What’s a breastfeeding baby’s least favorite holiday? Hall-o-wean.
- What do you do with a fussy baby? You pacify it.
- Why didn’t the baby want to be born? It didn’t want to give up its free womb and board.
- What do triplets need more of than single babies? More womb.
- What did the fire say to her husband after their son’s birth? Honey… this is Arson.
- Who’s bigger: Mrs. Bigger, Mr. Bigger, or their baby? Their baby because he’s a little Bigger.
- What did the buffalo say to his baby boy when paternity leave was over? Bison!^{[1]
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- Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth? Because littering is a crime.
- What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza? It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno!
- Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can’t carry the mother.
- I would make a joke about newborns… But the delivery would be too painful.
- What’s another name for a baby adoption center? The stork market.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Manuel Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and the founder of Miami Comedy. He has produced over 5000 live comedy shows.

Reem Edan is a comedian and content creator who began doing stand-up comedy in 2016.

Section 2 of 6:

Dad Jokes About Babies

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Tell a dad joke to get some lighthearted eye rolls. Bonus points if you’re a new dad making jokes about your baby! Garavito says the hallmark of a dad joke is a good play on words.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Manuel Garavito
Comedian

Expert Interview} Embrace your cheesy side by sharing some of your favorite puns. Feel free to throw in some ironic finger guns, too!
- What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
- Why is the baby still in diapers? Two reasons: number 1 and number 2.
- Why do we dress babies in onesies? Because they can’t dress themselves.
- How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep? You rocket.^{[3]
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- Why did the baby cry at 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am? Why not?
- Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its parents were a wafer so long.
- What do you call a baby air conditioner? An in-fan-t.
- How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper? She sent her a pee-mail.^{[4]
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- Does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on? No, they’re stork naked.
- Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug? She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
- Did you hear about the lady who traveled to the ocean to have her baby? She needed a sea section.^{[5]
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- How did it work out for the lady who had a sea section? She gave birth to a bouncing baby buoy.^{[6]
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- Why did the man bring his pregnant wife a small lizard? She told him to pick up a baby monitor.
- Did you know you can get a wooden car seat? It comes with a sign that says, “Baby on Board.”
- What do you call a newborn baby? Anything you want.^{[7]
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- Small babies may be delivered by a stork, but larger babies are delivered by a crane.
- What did the mommy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
- I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh, the baby is mine. I get to keep it.”
- How do you make a baby snake cry? You take away its rattle.
- Want more dad jokes? Try out our Dad Joke Generator for more personalized options!
EXPERT TIP

Manuel Garavito
Comedian
Manuel Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and founder of Miami Comedy — a platform that has cultivated one of the most vibrant underground comedy scenes in Miami, Florida. He has been featured in The Miami New Times and VoyageMIA as a comedy expert. Manny has produced over 5,000 live comedy shows, coached dozens of comedians globally in developing their stage presence and comedic voice, and hosts the popular Miami Comedy Podcast, where he riffs on the quirks of Miami life with locals on his livestreams. Manuel combines his entrepreneurial skills and comedy persona through his comedy coaching business, where he helps his clients build their unique comedy style, grow their confidence, and even create comedy content online. His work blends humor, coaching, and community building, making him a sought-after voice in both entertainment and personal development spaces.

Manuel Garavito
Comedian

Good dad jokes are innocent. They feel like they’re coming from someone who cares—like a father figure being playfully silly. It’s not imposing or edgy; it’s more like, “Here’s a sweet little joke I thought you’d enjoy.”

Section 3 of 6:

Baby One-Liners

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“A lot of times, one-liners play with logic [and] juxtaposition,” says Edan. “It’s like, what’s a funny thing that you can say that’s misleading?”^{[8]
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Expert Source

Reem Edan
Comedian, Writer and Content Creator

Expert Interview} Good one-liners typically make you think the joke is going one way, only to end in a surprising punchline. Here are some examples:
- My baby just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles. The next diaper change could spell disaster.
- If a baby refuses to go to sleep… is she resisting a rest?
- A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40. I said, “No, 40 babies are enough!”^{[9]
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- A woman approached her husband and asked, “Why is there a strange baby in the crib?” Her husband replied, “You told me to change the baby.”^{[10]
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- I’m trying to remember what I called my security blanket when I was a baby, but I’m drawing a blankie.
- I tried to steal candy from a baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out, he wasn’t born yesterday.
- My friend’s gambling is getting out of hand. He just bet his newborn son in our game of poker, and I thought I might have to raise him.
- I think the hospital accidentally switched our babies at birth… They’re identical twins, so it’s hard to be sure.
- I rushed to the hospital when I heard my cousin couldn’t walk or speak… Apparently, all newborns are like that.
- A friend told me that my daughter and my wife look like twins. I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
- “We’re going to have a baby!” said Mrs. Goat. “You’re kidding,” said Mr. Goat.
- A dad tried to keep his wife happy through labor by telling jokes, but she didn’t laugh once. It was the delivery.
- A woman said, “I’m two months pregnant. When will my baby move?” The doctor replied, “With any luck, right after she finishes college.”
- My partner is so negative… I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag… But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
- My newborn son made such a fuss when the doctor cut his umbilical cord. He had really grown attached to it.
- A mother wondered what her breast milk tasted like, so she asked the baby. He told her, “Umami.”
- I read a book on prime numbers to my baby. I had his undivided attention.
- My friend set me up on a blind date and said, “I’d better warn you, she’s expecting a baby.” I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing a diaper.
- Babies’ toes are almost the same size and shape as tic-tacs. That makes them tic-tac-toes.
- I asked the flight attendant to switch my seat since I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently, you’re not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.

Section 4 of 6:

Baby Jokes for Kids

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Choose jokes that are age-appropriate for kids. Kids might not know where babies come from, but they can still enjoy a family-friendly joke! When telling jokes to kids, make sure they’ll be able to understand the punchline. Try really simple jokes for younger kids and more complex options for older kids. Here are some examples:
- What do baby pythons play with? Rattlesnakes.
- How does a baby pizza look? A-dough-rable.
- What’s a baby’s favorite drink? Droolaid.
- How do you make a baby ghost laugh? You play peek-a-boo.
- How did Batman decorate baby Robin’s crib? With a bat mobile.
- Did you hear about the baby turkeys that were all upset? They were crying fowl.
- What do you call a new baby monkey? A chimp off the old block.
- What do you call a group of baby garbage bins? A litter.
- What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
- What did the baby dolphin do when he didn’t get his way? He whaled.
- What did Frosty the Snowman put over his baby’s crib? A snowmobile.
- Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
- Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
- When potatoes have babies, what are they called? Tater tots.
- What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
- Why did the baby monster ask his father to stand in the freezer? He wanted a frozen pop.
- What do you call baby snowmen? Chill-dren.
- What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.
- Why did the vampire baby stop eating baby food? He wanted something he could sink his teeth into.
- What did the daddy spider say to the baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Section 5 of 6:

Baby Jokes for Adults

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Save your more mature jokes for an adult audience. Let’s face it—there are a lot of dark jokes about babies, and most of them aren’t appropriate for a younger audience. Even if dark humor isn’t your vibe, there are a lot of jokes about babies that children simply won’t understand. Try one of these the next time you’re around adults:
- What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles? Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan.
- What’s the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable, while the other is just having a baby.
- Did you hear the joke about Sean Connery’s brother’s newborn daughter? It’s a little niche.
- A baby’s laugh is one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3 AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.^{[11]
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- I sat next to a baby on a 10-hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight. Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn’t have teddy bears. You know why? He had real bears.
- What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper? Holy crap!
- Why was the baby drop of ink crying? His mom was in the pen, and he didn’t know how long her sentence was.
- I told my friends a joke about birth complications, but no one laughed. It must have come out wrong.
- “I don’t always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Tetas.” – The Most Interesting Baby in the World
- Why did the baby crawl across the street? He saw the one object you told him he couldn’t play with.
- What happens the moment a baby falls asleep? The phone rings, the siblings fight, the door slams, and the dogs bark. Never fails!
- I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the air conditioner was on. It was all fun and games until the crap hit the fan.
- Never trust a baby with a dirty diaper. They’re full of crap.
- Why did the infant go on a diet? She wanted to lose her baby fat.
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- What do politicians and diapers have in common? They’re both full of crap.
- How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.
- What were the policeman’s baby’s first words? Hands up.
- What did the Roman emperor name his fat newborn? Voluminous.

Section 6 of 6:

Short Baby Jokes

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Keep your audience entertained with short and sweet jokes. Unless you’re a professional comedian, you may not always have time to tell long jokes. Instead, have a few short jokes in your repertoire to make people laugh when the opportunity arises. Here are some examples:
- Who held the baby octopus for ransom? Squidnappers.
- What did the guitarist call their baby daughter? Amanda Lynn.
- What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
- Where do baby fish sleep? In a bass-inet.
- What do you call a cow that had a baby? De-calf-inated.
- Did you hear about the baby born in a high-tech hospital? It came out cordless.
- Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
- What do you call a boat that just got a baby dinghy? A mothership.
- How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
- Do I have to have a baby shower? Not if you change the diaper quickly.
- What do you give a pig with a diaper rash? Oinkment.
- How does a baby ghost cry? Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
- What is a baby bee? A little humbug.
- What did Mother Goose name her newborn son? Ryan Gosling.
- What did the jar say when he held his newborn baby? Mason.
- What’s a group of chubby newborns called? Heavy infantry.
- How does a baby look something up? They goo goo it.
- What is a baby’s favorite Shakespeare play? Romeo and Drooliet.
- Why did the baby bring a ladder to daycare? Because it wanted to go to high school.
- Where will baby Kal-El be sleeping? In his crib-tonight.