187 Hilarious Baby Jokes for Kids and Adults

Looking for hilarious baby and pregnancy jokes? You’re in the right place, because we’ve compiled a list of over 185 of the best baby jokes for kids and adults alike for new parents, baby showers, social media, and more. We also spoke to comedians Manny Garavito and Reem Edan to give you some advice for telling jokes.

The Best Baby Jokes

When do parents change the most baby diapers? In the wee wee hours.
Does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on? No, they’re stork naked.
How do you make a baby ghost laugh? You play peek-a-boo.
How warm is a baby at birth? Womb temperature.
Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can’t carry the mother.

Section 1 of 8:

Jokes for Baby Showers

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Crack up the guests at a baby shower with these hilarious jokes. Baby showers are a great opportunity to celebrate the new parents and baby. As you’re chatting with other attendees, feel free to break the ice with these silly baby jokes:
- Do I have to have a baby shower? Not if you change the diaper quickly.
- Why don’t babies play hide and seek with their parents? Because as soon as they hide, they let out a giggle or a toot.
- A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t!” The concerned father-to-be asked the doctor what was going on. “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
- How many infants does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just points at it and cries until his parent does it for him.
- Be sure to wrap the baby in a blanket to keep it at womb temperature.
- Why do babies scream so much? Their womb service got cut off.
- When should babies stop taking the elevator? When they can take steps to avoid them.
- Why did the baby not eat the orange-colored baby food? He did not carrot all for it.
- Did you know babies are born with 4 kidneys? When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
- What did the drummer name his twin babies? Anna 1, Anna 2.
- Do you know why pediatricians are always so angry? It’s because they have such little patients.
- What is a pregnant woman’s favorite part of a hike? The water break.
- Oh, is the baby shower over already? Time to make like the baby and head out.
- How does a baby look something up? They goo goo it.
- What do you call a group of baby soldiers? An infantry.
- What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza? It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno!
- What’s another name for a baby adoption center? The stork market.
- What do you call a baby birthed while skydiving? Air-born.
- Why are babies born on holidays more likely to be girls? There’s no mail delivery on holidays.
- What did the fire say to her husband after their son’s birth? Honey… this is Arson.
- Who’s bigger: Mrs. Bigger, Mr. Bigger, or their baby? Their baby because he’s a little Bigger.
- What did the buffalo say to his baby boy when paternity leave was over? Bison!
- What is a baby bee? A little humbug.
- What did Mother Goose name her newborn son? Ryan Gosling.
- Where do baby fish sleep? In a bass-inet.
- What do you call a cow that had a baby? De-calf-inated.
- Did you hear about the baby born in a high-tech hospital? It came out cordless.
- Who held the baby octopus for ransom? Squidnappers.
- What did the guitarist call their baby daughter? Amanda Lynn.
- What do you give a pig with a diaper rash? Oinkment.
- How does a baby ghost cry? Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
- What do babies usually play in a band? Guitars with Waah! Waah! pedals.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Manny Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and the founder of Miami Comedy. He has produced over 5000 live comedy shows.

Reem Edan is a comedian and content creator who began doing stand-up comedy in 2016.

Section 2 of 8:

Jokes for Soon-to-Be-Parents

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Let soon-to-be-parents know what they’re in for with one of these jokes. We all know parenting can be tough, so making a relatable joke about its challenges can be a great way to lighten the mood and remind yourself how rewarding the job truly is. Here are some jokes new parents will likely appreciate:
- When do parents change the most baby diapers? In the wee wee hours.
- What’s a breastfeeding baby’s least favorite holiday? Hall-o-wean.
- What do you do with a fussy baby? You pacify it.
- I would make a joke about newborns… But the delivery would be too painful.
- Why is the baby still in diapers? Two reasons: number 1 and number 2.
- Why do we dress babies in onesies? Because they can’t dress themselves.
- Why did the baby cry at 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am? Why not?
- What do you call a newborn baby? Anything you want.
- Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids. You can’t half-a** it.
- Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
- What’s the difference between a 9-month pregnant woman and a model? Nothing if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.
- What’s the most reliable way to determine a baby’s sex? Childbirth.
- Is there anything you should avoid while recovering from childbirth? Pregnancy.
- What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth? It means the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
- What did the pregnant woman say when offered some food? “No, thanks, I gestate.”
- Why was the newborn baby covered in goo? It was too late for the baby shower.
- Don’t let the doctor deliver your baby. Your baby needs its liver.
- A decent baby joke? You may be waiting a maternity for one!
- What did the jar say when he held his newborn baby? Mason.
- What’s a group of chubby newborns called? Heavy infantry.

Section 3 of 8:

Baby Jokes for Instagram Captions

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Share some baby-related humor on social media. Being a new parent is rewarding, but it’s also exhausting. Try to focus on the positive side by making a joke about your experiences. The next time you post about your baby on Instagram, consider one of these hilarious and relatable captions:
- Why do people say “slept like a baby?” They wake up every 2 hours to cry, poop, pee, and spit up.
- What is a baby’s motto? If at first you don’t succeed, cry, cry again!
- What happens the moment a baby falls asleep? The phone rings, the siblings fight, the door slams, and the dogs bark. Never fails!
- “I don’t always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Tetas.” – The Most Interesting Baby in the World
- Never trust a baby with a dirty diaper. They’re full of crap.
- A baby’s laugh is one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3 AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.
- What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant? Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
- What hurts even more than childbirth? Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 20,000 times a day.
- Will I love my dog less when the baby is born? No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
- If you eat a pregnant girl’s food… You’re required to have the baby for her.
- Telling the world you’re pregnant is like telling the world you had unprotected sex.
- The first sonogram pic is like a tourist pic of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Everyone has one, and it looks the same.
- Yelp review for pregnancy: 1 out of 5 stars. Took way too long, overpriced, really uncomfortable, too crowded, aesthetically a mess, and no alcohol.
- If heartburn during pregnancy means you’ll have a hairy baby… Then I’m about to give birth to Chewbacca.
- Waiting for this baby to be born is like picking up someone from the airport. But you don’t know who they are or what time their flight comes in.
- You know you’re getting old when your friends start having babies on purpose.
- Pregnancy is 9 months of cheat days.
- What do you call it when two flowers have a surprise baby? An oopsie-daisy!
- Technically, pregnant women are body-builders.
- Need a pregnancy joke? I’ll deliver.
- I knew my wife was pregnant because my dad jokes suddenly got so good!
- Due to the occasional pregnancy, the number of spines inside of the average human body is greater than one.
- Giving birth requires a de-fetused attitude.

Section 4 of 8:

Baby Jokes for Pregnant Women

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Lift a mother-to-be’s mood with a lighthearted joke. Whether you’re trying to make a pregnant woman smile or you’re pregnant yourself and want to lighten the mood, try a fun joke about pregnancy or delivery. Try to keep things positive and relatable, and make sure the mother is receptive to joking about pregnancy. Here are some examples:
- How warm is a baby at birth? Womb temperature.
- How did the baby know she was ready to be born? She was running out of womb.
- Why didn’t the baby want to be born? It didn’t want to give up its free womb and board.
- What do triplets need more of than single babies? More womb.
- Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can’t carry the mother.
- Did you hear about the lady who traveled to the ocean to have her baby? She needed a sea section.^{[1]
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- How did it work out for the lady who had a sea section? She gave birth to a bouncing baby buoy.^{[2]
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- What do you give a new mom so she’s ready for anything? A bag of tricks.
- What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy? A good delivery.
- What do you call it when you’re unable to find someone to help you through your pregnancy? A midwife crisis.
- Did you know that your chances of becoming pregnant are hereditary? The chances are that if your parents didn’t get pregnant, you won’t either.
- What part of biology class do pregnant women fear? The sea section.
- How many days are there in a month? Each month has an average of 30-31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 5,498,234.
- How do you say unexpected pregnancy in German? Kinder surprise.
- How is being pregnant like being a kid again? There’s always someone telling you what to do.
- What’s the weirdest stage of pregnancy? When people aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or hand you some Gas-X.
- I’m pregnant, so I asked my husband to put the Oreos where I couldn’t reach them. He put them on the floor.
- They’ve invented a curved pregnancy test so you don’t pee on your hand. Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mom.
- During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever.
- How do you define pregnancy? A 9-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.
- Don’t fear childbirth. That’s the easy part. They don’t give you drugs to get you through motherhood.
- What’s better than eating for two while pregnant? Shopping for two.
- What does a pregnant woman say after she apologizes for her random emotional outbursts? “Up yours and I hate you.”
- What’s the most common pregnancy craving? For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
- How to win an argument: 1. Be pregnant. 2. That’s it, you’re done!

Section 5 of 8:

Dad Jokes About Babies

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Tell a dad joke to get some lighthearted eye rolls. Bonus points if you’re a new dad making jokes about your baby! Garavito says the hallmark of a dad joke is a good play on words.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Manny Garavito
Comedian

Expert Interview} Embrace your cheesy side by sharing some of your favorite puns. Feel free to throw in some ironic finger guns, too!
- What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
- What did the baby light bulb say to its mom? I wav you watts and watts.
- How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep? You rocket.^{[4]
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- How do you get a baby alien to sleep? You sing “Twinkle, twinkle little starship.”
- Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its parents were a wafer so long.
- What do you call a baby air conditioner? An in-fan-t.
- How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper? She sent her a pee-mail.^{[5]
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- Does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on? No, they’re stork naked.
- Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug? She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
- Why did the man bring his pregnant wife a small lizard? She told him to pick up a baby monitor.
- Did you know you can get a wooden car seat? It comes with a sign that says, “Baby on Board.”
- Did you hear what the couple who met while working at an instruction book company named their baby? Manuel.
- Small babies may be delivered by a stork, but larger babies are delivered by a crane.
- What did the mommy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
- I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due. She said, “Oh, the baby is mine. I get to keep it.”
- A father-to-be suggests naming their baby Pete. “Honey, we’re having twins,” the wife says. The husband replies, “Well, we can call the second one RePete.”
- How do you make a baby snake cry? You take away its rattle.
- I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets but I quit. I got tired of labor manuals.
- Which search engine do babies use? Google Ga Ga.
- What does a baby computer call its father? Data.
- Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
- What do you call a boat that just got a baby dinghy? A mothership.
- How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
- What is a baby’s favorite Shakespeare play? Romeo and Drooliet.
- Why did the baby bring a ladder to daycare? Because it wanted to go to high school.
- Where will baby Kal-El be sleeping? In his crib-tonight.
- Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth? Because littering is a crime.
- Want more dad jokes? Try out our Dad Joke Generator for more personalized options!
EXPERT TIP

Manny Garavito
Comedian
Manny Garavito is a stand-up comedian, producer, and founder of Miami Comedy — a platform that has cultivated one of the most vibrant underground comedy scenes in Miami, Florida. He has been featured in The Miami New Times and VoyageMIA as a comedy expert. Manny has produced over 5,000 live comedy shows, coached dozens of comedians globally in developing their stage presence and comedic voice, and hosts the popular Miami Comedy Podcast, where he riffs on the quirks of Miami life with locals on his livestreams. Manny combines his entrepreneurial skills and comedy persona through his comedy coaching business, where he helps his clients build their unique comedy style, grow their confidence, and even create comedy content online. His work blends humor, coaching, and community building, making him a sought-after voice in both entertainment and personal development spaces.

Manny Garavito
Comedian

Good dad jokes are innocent. They feel like they’re coming from someone who cares—like a father figure being playfully silly. It’s not imposing or edgy; it’s more like, “Here’s a sweet little joke I thought you’d enjoy.”

Section 6 of 8:

Baby Jokes for Kids

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Choose jokes that are age-appropriate for kids. Kids might not know where babies come from, but they can still enjoy a family-friendly joke! When telling jokes to kids, make sure they’ll be able to understand the punchline. Try really simple jokes for younger kids and more complex options for older kids. Here are some examples:
- What do baby pythons play with? Rattlesnakes.
- How does a baby pizza look? A-dough-rable.
- What’s a baby’s favorite drink? Droolaid.
- How do you make a baby ghost laugh? You play peek-a-boo.
- How did Batman decorate baby Robin’s crib? With a bat mobile.
- Did you hear about the baby turkeys that were all upset? They were crying fowl.
- What do you call a new baby monkey? A chimp off the old block.
- What do you call a group of baby garbage bins? A litter.
- What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
- What did the baby dolphin do when he didn’t get his way? He whaled.
- What did Frosty the Snowman put over his baby’s crib? A snowmobile.
- Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
- Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
- When potatoes have babies, what are they called? Tater tots.
- What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.
- Why did the baby monster ask his father to stand in the freezer? He wanted a frozen pop.
- What do you call baby snowmen? Chill-dren.
- What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.
- Why did the vampire baby stop eating baby food? He wanted something he could sink his teeth into.
- What did the daddy spider say to the baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Section 7 of 8:

Baby Jokes for Adults

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Save your more mature jokes for an adult audience. Let’s face it—there are a lot of dark jokes about babies, and most of them aren’t appropriate for a younger audience. Even if dark humor isn’t your vibe, there are a lot of jokes about babies that children simply won’t understand. Try one of these the next time you’re around adults:
- What do you do when you see a baby spinning in circles? Stop laughing and untie him from the ceiling fan.
- What’s the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable, while the other is just having a baby.
- Did you hear the joke about Sean Connery’s brother’s newborn daughter? It’s a little niche.
- What does a cannibal call a pregnant lady? A slow cooker.
- I sat next to a baby on a 10-hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight. Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn’t have teddy bears. You know why? He had real bears.
- What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper? Holy crap!
- Why was the baby drop of ink crying? His mom was in the pen, and he didn’t know how long her sentence was.
- I told my friends a joke about birth complications, but no one laughed. It must have come out wrong.
- Why did the baby crawl across the street? He saw the one object you told him he couldn’t play with.
- I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the air conditioner was on. It was all fun and games until the crap hit the fan.
- Why did the infant go on a diet? She wanted to lose her baby fat.
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- What do politicians and diapers have in common? They’re both full of crap.
- How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.
- What were the policeman’s baby’s first words? Hands up.
- What did the Roman emperor name his fat newborn? Voluminous.
- If you’re supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Section 8 of 8:

Baby One-Liners

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“A lot of times, one-liners play with logic [and] juxtaposition,” says Edan. “It’s like, what’s a funny thing that you can say that’s misleading?”^{[6]
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Expert Source

Reem Edan
Comedian & Writer

Expert Interview} Good one-liners typically make you think the joke is going one way, only to end in a surprising punchline. Here are some examples:
- My baby just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles. The next diaper change could spell disaster.
- If a baby refuses to go to sleep… is she resisting a rest?
- A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40. I said, “No, 40 babies are enough!”^{[7]
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- A woman approached her husband and asked, “Why is there a strange baby in the crib?” Her husband replied, “You told me to change the baby.”^{[8]
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- I’m trying to remember what I called my security blanket when I was a baby, but I’m drawing a blankie.
- I tried to steal candy from a baby, but he slapped my hand away. Turns out, he wasn’t born yesterday.
- My friend’s gambling is getting out of hand. He just bet his newborn son in our game of poker, and I thought I might have to raise him.
- I think the hospital accidentally switched our babies at birth… They’re identical twins, so it’s hard to be sure.
- I rushed to the hospital when I heard my cousin couldn’t walk or speak… Apparently, all newborns are like that.
- A friend told me that my daughter and my wife look like twins. I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
- “We’re going to have a baby!” said Mrs. Goat. “You’re kidding,” said Mr. Goat.
- A dad tried to keep his wife happy through labor by telling jokes, but she didn’t laugh once. It was the delivery.
- A woman said, “I’m two months pregnant. When will my baby move?” The doctor replied, “With any luck, right after she finishes college.”
- My partner is so negative… I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag… But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
- My newborn son made such a fuss when the doctor cut his umbilical cord. He had really grown attached to it.
- A mother wondered what her breast milk tasted like, so she asked the baby. He told her, “Umami.”
- I read a book on prime numbers to my baby. I had his undivided attention.
- My friend set me up on a blind date and said, “I’d better warn you, she’s expecting a baby.” I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing a diaper.
- Babies’ toes are almost the same size and shape as tic-tacs. That makes them tic-tac-toes.
- I asked the flight attendant to switch my seat since I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently, you’re not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.
- A kid walked up to me and said, “My mom is having a new baby.” I replied, “What’s wrong with the old one?”