How to Disown Your Parents or Other Family

Is your family abusive, destructive, or dysfunctional? The decision to disown your family isn't an easy one to make, but in some cases, cutting ties is the best way to move forward from a painful past and protect yourself, your children, and your property from future harm. Depending on your age and situation (and where you live in the world), you may be able to take legal measures to keep your family at bay. To help navigate this difficult and complex process, we've got advice from a psychologist, therapist, and a parenting expert so that you can do what’s right for you.

How do you disown your parents or family?

Licensed psychologist Adam Dorsay, PsyD, says that whether you cut off your family or not comes down entirely to your personal boundaries and how you want to live your life. As general guidance:

You cannot legally disown your parents, as you don’t have any legal responsibility to care for them.
If you’re a minor, you can get emancipated from your parents if they’re abusive or irresponsible.
As an adult, cutting your parents off requires no legal assistance. You can get a restraining order or change your will if you’d like to formally limit contact with your family, though.

Section 1 of 4:

Can you disown your parents?

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Not in the way you think, but you can get legally separated. You can’t “disown” anything you don’t have legal ownership or control over, and you have no legal control over your parents. Even if you’re a minor, they have dominion over you, but not the other way around. That doesn’t mean you can’t separate yourself from them legally, though. As a minor, you can become emancipated, and as an adult, you can get a protective order or put specific restrictions on your will, so while you can’t “disown” them, you can create meaningful separation.
- The same logic applies to grandparents, cousins, and siblings.
- That said, you can totally disown your parents in an informal way by not including them in your life at all.
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Jin S. Kim, MA is a licensed family therapist with experience helping clients navigate messy family situations.

Amanda Diekman is a parenting expert, coach, and author of Low Demand Parenting.

Adam Dorsay, PsyD is a licensed psychologist and counselor who specializes in helping adults struggling with relationship issues.

Section 2 of 4:

Emancipating as a Minor

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Determine whether to pursue emancipation. If you are a teenager, the legal way to disown your family is to become "emancipated" from them. This means you'll be legally treated as an adult with the right to make your own decisions, and your parents will no longer be your legal guardians. In most states, you have to be over 16 to pursue emancipation.^{[1]
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Research source} This might be the right path for you if the following is true:
- Your parents show documented signs of abuse.
- Your parents are unable to take care of you.
- The situation at your parents' house is morally repugnant to you.
- You are financially independent and want to have the rights to be an adult.
- Do not feel bad about seeking emancipation. Parenting expert Amanda Diekman says, “If you feel like the parents that you've been given simply cannot meet you with what you need...then find another adult who does.” She also reiterates: “Remember that the world owes you love and respect, that that's your birthright, that's what you deserve.”^{[2]
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Become financially independent. A judge won't grant emancipation unless you are able to prove that you can live independently from your parents like an adult. That means being able to make enough money to pay for a place to live, groceries, medical bills, and all other expenses. Once you're emancipated, your parents will no longer be legally responsible for providing money to cover your basic needs.^{[3]
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- Start by finding a job as soon as possible. Save up as much money as possible; be sure not to spend it on items you don't really need.
- Move out of your family's house and into your own apartment. You also have the option of staying with a friend or relative, as long as the person agrees that the arrangement is permanent.
The emancipation process is a lot easier when your parents agree that they don't want to be legally responsible for you. If they don't agree to consent to emancipation, the burden will be on you to prove that they aren't fit parents.^{[4]
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Submit the proper paperwork. You'll need to fill out a petition for emancipation, which you can obtain by contacting the Circuit Court in your jurisdiction. You will also need to fill out paperwork regarding your financial status, your employment status, and your living situation.^{[5]
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- If possible, consider getting legal help when you fill out the paperwork. A lawyer familiar with your state's laws will be able to guide you through the process to make sure everything is filled out correctly. Search for free legal support for children in tough situations, or call local lawyers and explain your situation to see if you can find help.
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Attend a preliminary meeting and court hearing. After you submit your petition and other paperwork to the Court, you'll receive a date for a preliminary meeting that both you and your parents will attend. Your situation will be assessed, and if your parents object to your emancipation, you'll need to attend a court hearing to prove that they are unfit parents.^{[6]
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- An investigation into your home situation may be conducted after the preliminary meeting.
- If you are successfully able to prove that you can and should live as an adult, you'll be free to cut off all contact with your parents and family members—effectively disowning them.
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Consider calling Child Protective Services. If you're under 18 and you feel you're living in a dangerous situation, contact your state's Child Protective Services for help. The most important first step is to get to a place of safety. Once you're removed from your family's household, CPS will help you determine how to proceed in order to make sure your family won't be able to harm you.^{[7]
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- If you're unsure about calling CPS, talk to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counselor or your friends' parents about your options.
- Understand that when you turn 18, your parents will no longer have the legal right to make decisions for you. Maybe you don't get along with your parents, but are they putting you in actual danger? If not, your best bet might be to wait it out. When you turn 18, you'll be able to live your life the way you want.

Section 3 of 4:

Informally Disowning Family as an Adult

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1
Opt for a “soft” cut if you’re not sure you want to make it permanent. A lot of people who want to cut their parents off as adults worry that they’ll regret the decision later. It’s just a super heavy decision to make, so it’s understandable if you’re hesitant (even if they don’t deserve you at all). Go the “lighter” route to see how it feels. Just keep interactions short and polite, only see them on holidays, and don’t go out of your way to hang out.^{[8]
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- If your family has a tendency to get confrontational when they don’t get what they want, just check out and don’t respond when they get mad about you not being super responsive.
- This is a great option if you think there’s any chance your parents or other family members may change in the future. Keeping the door to a relationship slightly open could be the encouragement they need to change.
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Set a firm no-contact limit and get away if they are actively abusive. If you are in a physically abusive situation or feel as though you're at the end of your rope, the most important step is to get to a safe place where your family can't hurt you. If you're over 18, your parents and family members have no legal right to determine where you should live.^{[9]
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- If you aren't financially independent, get a job, and determine whether you can stay with a friend or relative until you get on your feet.
3
Put distance between you and your family. Whether you’re going for a soft or full cut from your family, you’ll be best off physically creating some space. If you live with them, get ready to move out. Otherwise, if you’ve been thinking about moving to another city or state, this is the perfect excuse to do so.^{[10]
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- Do not give your family your new address once you move if you think it’ll potentially make things messier for you.
- Remember that this is an empowering move. There’s nothing cowardly about leaving. Dr. Adam Dorsay says, “The important thing is that you're in charge…of what it means to be in a relationship with this toxic individual. And for you to feel a sense of power, rather than powerless.”^{[11]
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Cut off contact to completely disown your parents. Once you're an adult, "disowning" your family primarily means ceasing all contact with them. Stop calling your family, and stop taking their calls. The same goes for email and other forms of communication. Don't give them your address, and instruct others not to tell them where you are.^{[12]
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- You may want to change your phone number and email address to make it more difficult for your family to get in touch.
- Consider sending a written statement if you aren’t going full no-contact. Licensed family therapist Jin S. Kim, MA, says, "I encourage my clients in this situation to engage and communicate with the parent.”^{[13]
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- “The recommended means of communication could also vary,” continues Kim. “For example, writing a letter or email to an overly critical and overbearing parent could help loosen up stalemates in communication."^{[14]
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- Should I tell my family I’m cutting them off? It’s totally up to you. If you think they’d benefit somehow from knowing why this consequence is coming, and it would be therapeutic or meaningful to you to tell them, go for it. You have no responsibility to do so, though.

Section 4 of 4:

Formally Disowning Family as an Adult

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Do not worry about legal steps if you’re just cutting off contact. If this is a situation where your family wasn’t necessarily abusive or dangerous but you want to cut off contact due to conflicts stemming from different values, personalities, beliefs, or behaviors, there’s no need to take any legal action. Simply remove yourself from their lives, and you’ll have disowned them as much as necessary.
- When is legally disowning family or parents appropriate? As a rule of thumb, legal steps are appropriate if your family is actively abusive or dangerous. That doesn’t just mean physically dangerous, either; any form of abuse (including emotional) may justify legal steps.
2
Get a restraining order if you’re experiencing abuse. If your family is physically, emotionally, verbally, or financially abusive to you or your children, you may want to get a restraining order so they will be legally obligated to stay away. A Domestic Violence Restraining Orders (DVROs) may prevent your family from contacting you or coming within a certain distance of you. Contact your local police department to ask how you can get a restraining order.^{[15]
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- Consider hiring a lawyer to help guide you through the process of filing a restraining order. The procedure varies from state to state, and you'll have a better chance of getting the protections you want if you have an expert helping you fill out the forms and navigate court appearances.
- Once the restraining order is in place, call the police immediately if your family members violate it. Do not “let it go” and avoid enforcing the restraining order. If the abuse became bad enough that you needed a restraining order, do not test the water by letting them get close enough to violate that order.
3
Write your family out of your will. Another way to make sure your family has no way to influence you or your children is to explicitly state as much in your will. Hire a lawyer to help you write a will that dictates your wishes regarding your end-of-life medical decisions, the guardianship of your children, and the way you wish your property to be handled.^{[16]
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- If your estate isn’t especially complicated, you can write a simple will on your own and specify that the family you want to cut out cannot receive anything or be given guardianship over you or your children.

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Should I disown my family if they are causing mental and emotional scarring?

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Yes, or at least put some distance between you and them. Your mental health is more important than family ties.

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Is mental harassment a valid reason for disowning a family?

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Psychological abuse can be a valid reason, yes. You can try to go No Contact for a while to see if it is good for you.

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What do I do if I am a teen female and have been continuously sexually assaulted by my half brother?

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If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up with your parents, or the police, tell a trusted adult who can help direct you to local or national groups that work to help teens in your situation. You need to get someone to help you, because that behavior is never acceptable.

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If staying with friends or family, ensure you clearly state your boundaries to protect your safety.

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Disowning your family of origin will not automatically heal the wounds they inflicted. Therapy, self-reflection, and time will help you transition through this challenging situation.

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Social workers, therapists, and counselors may be able to provide you with helpful resources.

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Society wrongly stigmatizes children and adult children of abuse who choose to distance themselves from their abuser. Know you are right to put your mental and physical safety first.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Make sure you have a place to stay before beginning the emancipation process begins. If you have to stay with your family during this time, it could be a challenging or even dangerous situation for you.
Keep track of all records and documents that can help you. These may include police records, texts, voicemails, and letters from professionals like guidance counselors, doctors, and clergy members.
Make sure you're not doing this in a fit of anger. As long as you aren't in immediate physical danger, take some time to calmly think over your decision before taking action.
Go to a church or a shelter and ask for help. They often manage situations like this and may be able to talk you through the process or provide you with resources.

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