I Don't Like My Friend's Dating Life
I don't want to break them up, I just need help dealing with this. My friend recently got an online girlfriend, (well, more like a couple months ago) and I've noticed a lot of changes in his behavior since. He's always talking about her, and I think she's encouraging him to do some not-great things. (I saw their texts). He LOOOOOVES her and I just don't think the relationship is good. I don't want to tell him to stop dating her or anything, but I can't take this. I think they'll be dating forever. Please give me advice on how to cope with this!
View hidden comment
wikiHow forums are moderated for quality. Learn more about our moderation policy here.
Submit Answer
First off, you're obviously a really caring friend. You care about the well-being of your friend. And I think that's beautiful. But, at some point, you need to know what you actually are in control of and what you're not. And this is a really great lesson, because ultimately, this isn't your relationship. Everybody has their own timing for how they learn these lessons. So, here's what I'd say. As a great friend, you can maybe vocalize some concerns you have, but you can also tell your friend, I'm not going to bring it up anymore once you've carefully laid out your initial concerns. But also, if you're hearing about it a lot and talking about the relationship is becoming the main aspect of your friendship, then you could maybe communicate that you're looking for more in the friendship than just talking about their relationship. However, if your friend is not really bringing it up and it's not impacting the dynamic between the two of you, you should likely stay out of it.
View hidden comment
You should always be able to set boundaries in a friendship. You should tell them, "Hey, this doesn't mean anything about our friendship, but I'd prefer it if we talked about your new girlfriend less when we're together. It's a personal thing, and I don't want to get into it, but I'd prefer to keep our conversations about other topics." Hopefully, they can respect that.
You should also realize that everyone needs to go through some kind of canon event to help them grow as a person. They're not going to realize it by you telling them. They have to live through it. Part of this is also that you need to have grace and love for your friend to trust that your friend has the strength to get past this, right? You just need to give them some time, but you can only watch from afar.
You can't fix their life for them, so practice detachment as much as you can. Remember that everyone has their own journey to become the person they're meant to be, and their new girlfriend is a part of that journey.
View hidden comment
You should also realize that everyone needs to go through some kind of canon event to help them grow as a person. They're not going to realize it by you telling them. They have to live through it. Part of this is also that you need to have grace and love for your friend to trust that your friend has the strength to get past this, right? You just need to give them some time, but you can only watch from afar.
You can't fix their life for them, so practice detachment as much as you can. Remember that everyone has their own journey to become the person they're meant to be, and their new girlfriend is a part of that journey.
Try to distract him with something else. I know this might sound wrong, but trust me on this. Try telling him everything, try talking to him about it.
OR you could do what I do, find dirt on this chick, find out everything you can about her, then expose her sufficiently, or if it's REALLY bad, then say the cold hard truth.
Sometimes it's better to say the cold, hard truth, because someone you care about or love isn't being themselves, it hurts, and we need to do whatever we need to, to help them. (In a legal matter ofc.)🩷
View hidden comment
OR you could do what I do, find dirt on this chick, find out everything you can about her, then expose her sufficiently, or if it's REALLY bad, then say the cold hard truth.
Sometimes it's better to say the cold, hard truth, because someone you care about or love isn't being themselves, it hurts, and we need to do whatever we need to, to help them. (In a legal matter ofc.)🩷
What’s on your mind? Ask anything.
Get advice and feedback from experts and wikiHow readers just like you.
Ask a Question
