Is he just attached but not in love? Situationship Final Boss
I’m in love with my guy best friend. We’ve only been friends for about 2 years but my feelings have only grown. I didn’t originally find interest in him at all but it got to a point where I don’t even know when I began to love him.
We’ve crossed the line a couple times but I’m met with an apology after. He cries (well he suppresses it) if my feelings are hurt.
We spend alone time together sometimes and he doesn’t seem to want to leave when we hang out alone, he checks in sometimes, he says I love you, he calls me, texts me, buys me stuff. He offers to do a lot of things for me and when I try to distance myself, he reels me back in. But he tends to “friend zone” me a lot despite him being the one to initiate crossing the line a lot and forgetting he made that boundary in the first place. He’s not this close to other girls at all.
He makes these grand gestures and telling me how much I mean to him and that he can’t lose me. I feel like he isn’t actually attracted to me and is just emotionally attached or generally an extremely affectionate friend. He’s a guy who tends to spearhead closeness (and physical closeness) in his friendships (but with other guys).
Please help. How can I go from being in his arms feeling like he’s holding his entire world to being just friends? Are both of us just scared of being honest? That we might lose each other? We’re still just young adults navigating life. Is he just attached but not in love? I need help.
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We’ve crossed the line a couple times but I’m met with an apology after. He cries (well he suppresses it) if my feelings are hurt.
We spend alone time together sometimes and he doesn’t seem to want to leave when we hang out alone, he checks in sometimes, he says I love you, he calls me, texts me, buys me stuff. He offers to do a lot of things for me and when I try to distance myself, he reels me back in. But he tends to “friend zone” me a lot despite him being the one to initiate crossing the line a lot and forgetting he made that boundary in the first place. He’s not this close to other girls at all.
He makes these grand gestures and telling me how much I mean to him and that he can’t lose me. I feel like he isn’t actually attracted to me and is just emotionally attached or generally an extremely affectionate friend. He’s a guy who tends to spearhead closeness (and physical closeness) in his friendships (but with other guys).
Please help. How can I go from being in his arms feeling like he’s holding his entire world to being just friends? Are both of us just scared of being honest? That we might lose each other? We’re still just young adults navigating life. Is he just attached but not in love? I need help.
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It's important for you to remember that your relationship is no longer what it was. Obviously, you had a friendship, but now it's turned romantic. A lot of times, we're in turmoil because we can't accept the fact that our dynamic with the other person has already changed.
It might be hard for him to accept these new feelings and this dynamic, and he might be maintaining the siutationship because he's not ready to fully come to terms with the change in your friendship and move into romance. I think you need to have a conversation with him and make him confront the situation. Say, "I really value you as a friend, and if you're not ready to truly move forward romantically, I'm okay to go back to friends, but I need more clarity."
This may actually give him some relief. He might realize that he has been delaying his commitment and vulnerability to you, and decide he's ready. Or, he'll tell you that what he really wants is to just be friends. That would hurt, I know, but it would give you clarity and help you start to move your relationship back to a friendship.
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It might be hard for him to accept these new feelings and this dynamic, and he might be maintaining the siutationship because he's not ready to fully come to terms with the change in your friendship and move into romance. I think you need to have a conversation with him and make him confront the situation. Say, "I really value you as a friend, and if you're not ready to truly move forward romantically, I'm okay to go back to friends, but I need more clarity."
This may actually give him some relief. He might realize that he has been delaying his commitment and vulnerability to you, and decide he's ready. Or, he'll tell you that what he really wants is to just be friends. That would hurt, I know, but it would give you clarity and help you start to move your relationship back to a friendship.
Situationships can be super confusing—we feel for you! It sounds like you have a truly special relationship with this person. Considering that he goes out of his way to hang out with you, is physically affectionate toward you, worries about losing you, and even says “I love you,” it’s clear that he cares for you deeply. He might just not be ready for a relationship at this point in his life, or he might not want to jeapordize your friendship. However, there is a third possibility that could explain his actions—have you actually told him how you feel? If he's not sure how you feel or if you'd want to be in a committed relationship, this would explain why he always backtracks after making a move.
In these situations, an honest, open conversation is often the best call. Being vulnerable and putting everything out in the open is scary, but it will also bring you both clarity. If you realize that you have feelings for each other, it could be the start of a beautiful relationship. If you’re not on the same page, at least you’ll have your answer, and you can start moving on. If this happens, you might need to take some time apart to heal, but you can still have an amazing friendship in the long run.
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In these situations, an honest, open conversation is often the best call. Being vulnerable and putting everything out in the open is scary, but it will also bring you both clarity. If you realize that you have feelings for each other, it could be the start of a beautiful relationship. If you’re not on the same page, at least you’ll have your answer, and you can start moving on. If this happens, you might need to take some time apart to heal, but you can still have an amazing friendship in the long run.
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