How to make friends?
All my 'best friends' have always left me, and I don't really fit in anywhere. I only have myself to rely on, like 99.99% of the time. Anyway, I need some help figuring out how to make friends. I'm super friendly and really nice. I can be loud sometimes, but that's sort of my energy, but I'm lost. And it feels really lonely sometimes, so I was wondering if anyone has any advice, because . . . well, I'm alone.
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Dr. Kara Powell stated that starting in adolescence, every teen struggles with their identity, their belonging, and their purpose. The belonging aspect is where that friendship anxiety comes into play because you're trying to find your people and trying to find your community while you're also trying to figure out who you are.
Friendship anxiety can be caused by a variety of different reasons, but if you are worried you’re not finding friends or you haven’t found your people yet, I’d encourage you to check out some clubs, try something different, and put yourself out there. There are friends out there for every single person; you just have to find them, and sometimes you have to take that step and start a conversation. Maybe research some good small talk questions and then practice walking up to people and starting a conversation by asking them a question.
If you’re worried that your friend group doesn’t like you, I’d encourage you to take a step back, separate your feelings from the facts, and ask yourself, Are they really leaving you out of everything? Are they talking badly about you all the time? Or is that just your perception of how things have happened? If it’s just your perception and they’re truly your friend, have a conversation with them and share how you’re feeling, and maybe they aren’t even realizing how they’re making you feel. If you review the facts and they are actually leaving you out or mistreating you, then you’re allowed to cut friends off. You have permission to say this is not the friend group for you, and you deserve better than this.
Friendship anxiety is really, really hard during your teen years, but it’s just about how you handle it. And that is a really hard journey to go through, but know that it does get better.
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Friendship anxiety can be caused by a variety of different reasons, but if you are worried you’re not finding friends or you haven’t found your people yet, I’d encourage you to check out some clubs, try something different, and put yourself out there. There are friends out there for every single person; you just have to find them, and sometimes you have to take that step and start a conversation. Maybe research some good small talk questions and then practice walking up to people and starting a conversation by asking them a question.
If you’re worried that your friend group doesn’t like you, I’d encourage you to take a step back, separate your feelings from the facts, and ask yourself, Are they really leaving you out of everything? Are they talking badly about you all the time? Or is that just your perception of how things have happened? If it’s just your perception and they’re truly your friend, have a conversation with them and share how you’re feeling, and maybe they aren’t even realizing how they’re making you feel. If you review the facts and they are actually leaving you out or mistreating you, then you’re allowed to cut friends off. You have permission to say this is not the friend group for you, and you deserve better than this.
Friendship anxiety is really, really hard during your teen years, but it’s just about how you handle it. And that is a really hard journey to go through, but know that it does get better.
Well, first, I’m sorry that you’ve gone through those experiences and have felt really alone. I would be curious whether some of those assumptions you mentioned play into your behaviors in friendships. How does this belief that people might leave you or drift from you, even if you make really close friends, affect your behaviors in friendships? Because when we assume we'll be rejected, we tend to reject people. We tend to be more closed off, more withdrawn. I try to tell people to assume that people will like them because, according to the research on something called the acceptance prophecy, when you assume that you’re liked, you become more likable, warm, friendly, and open. So, how would you act if you assumed you were liked?
And then it’s really about shooting your shot, which means finding someone you like and letting them know you enjoyed talking to them and would love to connect further. Ask them if they’d be open to exchanging contact information, and make sure that you follow up. An easier way to meet new friends is to join something that repeats over time to capitalize on the mere exposure effect. Can you join a volleyball club, improv club, or language class? Just something where you’ll see people repeatedly and engage with them, and then ask to spend time with them outside of that.
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And then it’s really about shooting your shot, which means finding someone you like and letting them know you enjoyed talking to them and would love to connect further. Ask them if they’d be open to exchanging contact information, and make sure that you follow up. An easier way to meet new friends is to join something that repeats over time to capitalize on the mere exposure effect. Can you join a volleyball club, improv club, or language class? Just something where you’ll see people repeatedly and engage with them, and then ask to spend time with them outside of that.
All the friends I used to have... Were backstabbers, and they were fake. So I only have like.... 3??? Idk... But that's all. I'll be your friend if u want!! :3
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Yes, I would love that. Plus I relate to that so hard, like every single one I have/had are backstabbers and fake. And I would drop them, I just don't want to be alone. You know?
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heyy girly so I understand what u mean Ive lost a ton of my friends really only have 1 now and I understand what its like to feel lost I still feel the same way I would recommend joining clubs or sports to make friends thats how it mostly happens is in clubs or sports! especially if ur in high school try to join as much as u can and try to make some new friends like that or online friends are amazing I had a online best friends for about 3 years I just feel like the better people are the online ones for sure but that's the advice I do have I hope it does get better for uu luv!! you seem like such a fun and amazing person to hang out with!! I would love to get to know u thoo and become friends have a amazing day/night!!
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If you need a friend, i can be yours. I just lost my entire friend group and need friends to
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