Give Your Crush or Girlfriend Butterflies with This Expert Advice

Learn how to make her stomach do flip-flops over text or in person

Written by Cher Gopman | Edited by Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: September 7, 2024 Fact Checked

Whether you’ve been dating a girl you really like for a while or you’re still in the flirting stage with your crush, you might be experiencing some butterflies fluttering around in your stomach, and it's natural to hope your girl feels the same way! But how do you make it happen? There are a lot of different ways to give a girl butterflies, whether you’re talking in person or over text. Keep reading for our tips and tricks!

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Cher Gopman, founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Show her you’re paying attention and invested in her as a person. She’ll feel seen and desired, and the butterflies will start fluttering.
Take her on dates, and be spontaneous and romantic even when you’re not on dates. Make her playlists of music you think she’d like, or send her postcards.
Make her stomach do flip flops by flirting with her, teasing her, and lightly touching her on the shoulder or knee.

1

Compliment her.

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Making her feel good about herself is a surefire way to give her butterflies. Let her know you appreciate her by giving her a compliment, either in person or via text. Be sure to acknowledge her non-physical qualities, like her kindness, creativity, intelligence, and wicked sense of humor, as well as her physical traits, like her eyes, hair, or smile.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- “You’re the funniest person I’ve ever known. You know that? I’m crackin’ up over here!”
- “You’re a knockout in that sweater!”
- “I’m constantly inspired by your kindness towards others. You’re one in a million.”

2

Maintain eye contact.

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When you two lock eyes, you'll definitely get her heart racing. Whether you’re chatting with her after class or gazing at her from across the room, eye contact will make her feel special and seen—as well as desired.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- Don’t hold your eye contact for too long, though! Optimal eye contact is about 3 seconds of eye contact at a time.

3

Flirt with her.

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Flirting is a tried and true method for igniting passion. Smile, laugh, even tease her a little bit (nicely, of course!). Flirting is a way to create sexual tension and let her know you’re interested in taking things further. Here are a few more surefire ways to create some anticipation in her in the form of butterflies:^{[3]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- Employ a little boldness—but don’t come on too strong. In other words, say, “I’ve gotta admit you’ve been on my mind all day,” but avoid “I’m in love with you.”
- If you’re in person, use body language to flirt: lean in close to talk, keep arms and legs uncrossed to seem more “open,” and turn your body towards hers.
- If you’re flirting over text, send her occasional flirty emoji, like winking smiley faces or hearts.

4

Ask her about herself.

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Your curiosity will make her feel adored (and filled with butterflies!). Whether you’re getting to know your crush or chatting with your long-time girlfriend at the day's end, show that you’re interested in her life by asking her about herself. Don’t settle for “How are you?” or “Tell me about yourself”—be specific, even going as far as to allude to things she might have said or done in the past to show you’re really paying attention.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- “You said last week you were nervous to take that math test—have you taken it yet? How did it go?”
- “You had that big meeting today, didn’t you? How did it go? Probably glad it’s over with, huh?”
- “I noticed you were reading a book when I came in. What was it? Are you enjoying it?”

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does She Like Me?

Some girls can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if she likes you just as a friend or if she wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 12

How do her friends treat you?

They told me that she likes me.

They giggle and laugh with her when I walk into the room.

They’ve mentioned her in conversation.

They haven’t done anything out of the ordinary (or I don't know them).

5

Tell her you like the way she smells.

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OK, hear us out: sexual chemistry is complex, but scent plays a role. If you like this girl, you probably like the way she smells. And it’s more than just that she wears a certain perfume or lotion or whatever—it’s her genes.^{[5]
X
Research source} Telling her you’re drawn to her scent will let her know (on a subconscious level) that you’re attracted to her and want to be intimate. Plus, it indicates you’ve gotten close enough to smell her, which will give her belly some flip-flops.
- Be careful telling someone you don’t know all that well that she smells good, as it could make her a little uncomfortable. But a date or a significant other? Go for it!

6

Make physical contact.

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Light, flirtatious touches will get her heart a-tumblin’. If you’re on a date, you might lightly graze her knee under the table with your own knee, or place your hand over her hand.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview} When you see her in class or at work, indicate interest by lightly brushing shoulders or asking if you can help remove an eyelash from her cheek. Oh la laaa.
- Of course, keep alert for signs she doesn’t want to be touched, especially if you’re not dating or have only recently begun dating. If she pulls away or seems uncomfortable, give her space.
- You can even create sexual tension and give her butterflies by maintaining a close distance without touching: try leaning close to her when you speak or whispering in her ear.
- While physical passion is important in a relationship, don’t worry if being physically affectionate doesn’t come naturally to you. Work on letting your other qualities shine, like kindness and intelligence.
- Reader Poll: We asked 888 wikiHow readers what qualities attract them to someone, and only 12% named passion as the most irresistible trait. [Take Poll]

7

Make her laugh.

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Humor is the key to the heart. And why shouldn’t it be? Laughing and having a good time make us feel good and confident, and sharing a laugh with another person makes us feel warm and connected to them. Make your girl laugh, and you’ll make her stomach flip-flop.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- You don’t have to be a comedian to get her ROFL-ing. Just be friendly and able to laugh at yourself, make sure to laugh at her jokes, and the two of you will have a good time.
- Make her laugh over text by sending her an intentionally cheesy pickup line, like "Are you on loan? 'Cause you've got my interest," or referencing an inside joke.

8

Catch her eye by being well-groomed.

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Show her you've got a sense of style, and she'll be smitten. A few extra minutes in front of the mirror can make a big difference. Of course, appearance doesn’t matter nearly as much as your attitude, sense of humor, and sensitivity. But maintaining your appearance is a simple way to give a girl butterflies. It's also likely to boost your confidence, which is another surefire way to make her want you more!^{[8]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- Practice good hygiene: wear deodorant, shower regularly, and keep your hair and any facial hair kempt.
- We're not talking a Princess Diaries makeover here. You can stay true to you and still take your style to the next level. Just spend a little extra time grooming yourself before you go out—and trust us, she’ll notice.

9

Be confident.

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Self-esteem is the one of the most attractive qualities there is. We know it's easier said than done, but just pretending to be confident can make you actually feel more confident! In other words, fake it 'til you make it. Show your crush you believe in yourself and know your worth by smiling, standing up straight, and making eye contact, and she’ll be super attracted to you.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- If you know you’re going to see her soon—like in class, at work, or on a date—you can “plan” to be confident by rehearsing for your encounter beforehand or having some conversation starters in your back pocket if the chitchat lags.
- If you’ve got butterflies yourself around this girl, try calming them by drinking some water and taking a few long, deep breaths.

10

Be respectful.

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“Etiquette” might not seem like the sexiest quality, but trust us. Studies show the vast majority of women want a partner who is sensitive and easygoing. So hold the door open, be attentive if she seems tired or cold or hungry or sad—basically, show her you're a kind and compassionate person, on par with Mr. Rogers himself. She'll feel cared for and safe, as well as drawn to you.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

Go to source}
- Don’t just be respectful toward her, show her you’re kind to everyone. No matter how sweet you are to her, if you don’t tip your server, she’ll probably notice!

11

Find things in common.

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Shared interests and passions will help you two feel bonded. Your girl will feel she can connect with you and trust you, that you are both “the same,” in a sense. Whether you share a laugh over your favorite sitcom or hotly debate which Taylor Swift album is best, finding things you both have in common can bring you together and increase the flame of love between you.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview}
- What you share might be surface-level, like favorite TV shows or music, or more personal and intimate—say, you both grew up in the same religion, or you are both majoring in the same subject.

12

Find time to be alone with her.

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Desire grows in intimate, private moments. Whether you’re working together on a science project or huddled together in the corner at a party, spending time alone with her will show her she’s got your undivided attention and make her feel comfortable around you. If you’re at a public place or a party with lots of people, make it clear you want to spend time with her and her alone by talking to her or trying to draw her away from the others.^{[12]
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Research source}
- Of course, be sensitive to signs she’s not receptive to your attempts to draw her away: if she doesn’t follow your lead or excuses herself to mingle with others, she might not be up for it.

13

Ask her out.

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A hot date is a guaranteed way to make her feel appreciated and desired. Whether you’ve just met have been together for years, dates never go out of style. Tell her you want to take her on a romantic getaway, or light her fire by saying you want to have a hot night in bed together. She’ll feel appreciated and excited!^{[13]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- If you’ve been together for a little while, the “honeymoon” phase might have worn off a bit. That doesn’t mean the romantic dates stop—in fact, dates are maybe more important now than ever!

14

Listen to her when she talks.

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Give your undivided attention, and she'll feel super special. When she speaks, whether it’s about something superficial or something more serious, show you’re listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, validating her feelings, and occasionally interjecting with statements or questions that indicate engagement.^{[14]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- It can be tough not to go into problem-solving mode when she tells you about the bad day she just had—after all, you care so much about her! But a lot of the time, what she’s really looking for is just someone to listen, not fix her problems.
- “Go on! I want to hear the rest of this story.”
- “You failed that test? Oh man, that must have felt crummy.”
- “Wow! I can’t believe that happened. That sucks.”

15

Be spontaneous.

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Woo her by taking her on a surprise date or leaving her presents. There are a lot of ways to spice up your relationship, whether it’s brand new or years old. Give her butterflies by keeping her on her toes, so that she never knows what sweet and spontaneous thing you’re going to do next.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source

Science Direct
Online archive of peer-reviewed research on scientific, technical and medical topics

Go to source}
- Keep it simple and curate a playlist of music you think she’d like, or, if she's the spontaneous type herself, take her on a last-minute weekend trip to the beach.
- Go old school and send her a postcard in the mail.
- Even being spontaneous by yourself can be a draw: she’ll see you as a confident, independent person who takes chances and goes after what they want in life.

16

Bring up a favorite memory of her.

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Show her that you really see her and it might make her heart soar. Whether you’re involved in the memory (like a vacation you took together) or it’s a memory of her alone (like seeing her perform in a play), she’ll feel touched and supported—and those butterflies will start fluttering.^{[16]
X
Trustworthy Source

HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.

Go to source}
- “I still remember seeing you play Cinderella in ninth grade. I was in the first row. You were incredible.”
- “Remember that camping trip we took last year? I think about that all the time. It’s one of my favorite memories.”
- “I think I first got a crush on you when we had to work together on that English assignment. You were just so into Shakespeare, it was adorable.”

17

Tell her how you feel.

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A bold declaration can be totally thrilling (and really attractive). Tell her you’re drawn to her, that you’ve never known anyone as special as her, or that she’s changed your life. Unexpected declarations of adoration can take her by surprise and give her major butterflies.^{[17]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Expert Interview}
- The level of boldness will probably depend on how well you know her and what your dynamic is like. If she’s a crush you don’t know all that well, boldly declaring your love may be too strong.
- If she’s a girl you’ve been dating for a little while, on the other hand, a bold declaration may be just the thing to ignite some passion.
- “I feel totally bewitched by you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
- “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
- “I am crazy in love with you.”

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