205+ Fun & Intimate Relationship Questions to Deepen Your Connection

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Pro dating coaches share how to have meaningful conversations
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Communication is often cited as the most important factor in a relationship—both sharing your feelings with your partner and actively listening to theirs. That’s why asking each other questions about your individual identities, experiences, goals, and habits as a couple can strengthen your romantic bond and give you the best shot at going the distance. Below, we’ve put together a long list of fun, deep, and challenging questions to ask your partner to get to know them (and your relationship) better. We also spoke to professional dating coaches for recommended questions and tips on how to ask them.

The Best Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Life, career, and relationship coach Sixu Chen recommends asking open-ended questions so you can keep the conversation going and grow closer together. Here are some examples:

  • What does your perfect first date look like?
  • What are your personal hopes and dreams for the future?
  • What family traditions from your childhood do you most want to preserve?
  • What are your biggest goals for the next five years?
  • What makes you feel secure in our relationship?
  • What’s one value you hold that you feel is important for our relationship?
  • What’s one thing I can do to support you emotionally?
Section 1 of 15:

Fun Relationship Questions to Ask

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  1. Your relationship should be fun, joyful, and full of love, so it’s a great idea to ask some silly and just-for-fun questions to get to know your partner. Dating coach John Keegan recommends interesting hypothetical questions about larger-than-life topics like, “If your life were a movie, what character would you be?”[1] Here are some other examples:
    • If you could swap lives with any film character for a week, who would it be?
    • If you could only eat one type of cuisine forever, what would it be?
    • If our relationship had a theme song, what would it be?
    • What holiday would you invent?
    • What random superpower would you want for a day?
    • What random talent do you wish you had to show off at parties?
    • What kind of food would we serve if we opened a restaurant together?
    • If we had a reality show together, what would it be called?
    • If you planned a surprise adventure for us, what would it be?
    • What unusual hobby do you think we’d enjoy trying together?
    • Would you rather live in a past historical era or in a future era?
    • Which sport would you play if you competed in the Olympics?
    • Which magical item from a movie or book would you want to own?
    • What quirk of mine do you secretly find endearing?
    • What’s your dream couple’s costume for us to wear on Halloween?
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Section 2 of 15:

Deep Relationship Questions to Ask

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  1. Exploring deep questions and topics with your partner can help both of you feel closer and more secure in your relationship.[2] You could ask lighthearted but revealing questions, like matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders’ recommendation of “asking them if they could choose any other culture to belong to, which one would they choose and why?” Or, you could ask something more intense, with Sanders offering, “What was your worst online dating experience and how did you handle it?”[3] Here are some more examples:
    • How do you define personal success?
    • What passion or project reflects your most authentic self?
    • What experience has most influenced how you view love?
    • If you could live by one motto, what would it be?
    • What strength have you gained through adversity?
    • How do you see your purpose evolving?
    • Have you ever idolized a relationship?
    • What question do you wish people asked you more often?
    • What part of your personality do you feel is most misunderstood?
    • What advice would you give your future self about relationships?
    • How have your family dynamics affected your outlook on relationships?
    • What does cheating mean to you?
    • What personal dream have you never been asked about?
    • Tell me about a time as a kid when you were really afraid.
    • Is getting married the most important way you would demonstrate commitment?
    • Do you have a relationship with your parents? What’s it like?
    • What’s the one political opinion you feel most strongly about?
Section 3 of 15:

Tough Relationship Questions to Ask

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  1. Sometimes, conversations in a relationship can get a little messy or feel challenging to work through. However, consistent and compassionate communication is crucial to the health of a relationship, especially when it has to do with tricky topics.[4] For example, it can be helpful (but difficult!) to learn about your partner’s past relationships and how they affected them. In this case, Sanders suggests, you might ask questions about “the first time they fell in love,” “why things didn’t work out with their first love,” or why their most recent relationship didn’t work out.[5]
    • What’s something I do that hurts your feelings?
    • What’s your favorite thing about how we resolve conflicts?
    • Is there a challenge in our relationship that you’ve been hesitant to bring up?
    • What’s an area where you feel misunderstood in our relationship?
    • What expectation about our romantic relationship hasn’t been met?
    • Have you ever felt emotionally disconnected from me?
    • What in our relationship makes you feel anxious?
    • What patterns have you noticed in our past conflicts?
    • What past hurt or unresolved issue still affects you?
    • What would you change about our relationship dynamic?
    • When we argue, what do I do that makes resolution harder?
    • What’s something you’re sensitive to or find annoying in relationships?
    • What fear or anxiety do you have about our future?
    • What personal sacrifice have you made that hasn’t been acknowledged?
    • What would make you consider leaving this relationship?
    • Do I make you feel unsupported or unheard?
    • Have you ever thought about cheating?
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Section 4 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask a Girl

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  1. If you want to get to know your wife, girlfriend, or date better, then there are certain questions that might help you gain some insight into what’s going on in her head. Plus, women really appreciate it when their partner asks them questions and actively listens to them, because it shows that their partner really cares about them and their feelings.[6] Here are some questions you can ask your girl:[7]
    • Where is your happy place?
    • What do you think love is?
    • Do you think people are “made for each other”?
    • What’s your guilty pleasure?
    • How do you feel about PDA?
    • What’s your favorite love song?
    • Do you want to get married? If so, what does your dream wedding look like?
    • When do you feel the most beautiful?
    • What three adjectives best describe you as a girlfriend?
    • When you’re having a bad day, what can I do to help turn it around?
    • What do you love about your life?
    • Do you believe in luck?
    • How would your ex(es) describe you?
    • What’s your coffee order?
    • Could you set a world record for anything?
    • What’s your least favorite song?
    • Who would narrate an audiobook about your life?
Section 5 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask a Guy

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  1. Men really value open communication and honesty with their partner, since they often are seeking out a safe space where they can be their most authentic and vulnerable selves.[8] By asking your boyfriend or husband some of the questions below, you can get to know him better and show him that he can trust you and feel truly cared for.
    • Why did your last relationship end?
    • Are you in therapy?
    • What do you look for in a friend?
    • Do you prefer fancy or casual date nights?
    • Do you consider yourself to be a happy person?
    • What did you most like about me when we first met?
    • What do I do that makes you laugh?
    • What’s your favorite thing about our relationship?
    • What actor would play you in a movie?
    • Do you like getting spicy texts?
    • What’s your biggest pet peeve?
    • Do you see yourself getting married one day?
    • Do you envision yourself having kids?
    • What three adjectives best describe you as a boyfriend?
    • How would your ex(es) describe you?
    • What do you think love is?
    • When you’re having a bad day, what can I do to help turn it around?
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Section 6 of 15:

Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Relationship

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  1. You’re one-half of your relationship, and sometimes you need to ask yourself as many questions as you’d like to ask your partner! In a relationship, you might feel past patterns, insecurities, or toxic behaviors popping up as you navigate strong emotions and expectations.[9] In order to best prepare yourself for being in a healthy relationship, carefully reflect on the following questions and the role they play in your relationship:
    • How do I handle difficult emotions like jealousy or insecurity?
    • How do I contribute positively to this relationship?
    • Are the ways I express love and affection aligned with my partner’s needs?
    • What are my emotional triggers, and how can I communicate them in a healthy way?
    • Am I truly listening to my partner during conversations?
    • What expectations do I have in this relationship, and are they realistic?
    • What boundaries are important to me, and am I maintaining them effectively?
    • What fears might affect how I connect with my partner?
    • Am I making enough space for my partner’s needs and emotions?
    • Am I allowing myself to be vulnerable, or do I hold back?
    • What patterns from past relationships am I repeating here?
    • How satisfied am I with my level of autonomy in this relationship?
    • Do I focus on being right or finding a solution during disagreements?
    • Am I supporting my partner’s goals as much as they support mine?
    • How do I handle apologies, and what can I do to improve conflict resolution?
    • What do I need to forgive myself for, and how can I start letting go?
    • How do I express my emotional needs, and how can I improve?
Section 7 of 15:

Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

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  1. The stage of first getting to know someone can be super exciting and special—we hope you’re enjoying it! You’ll really want to get a good grasp on who this person is on the surface—what are their preferences, what do they spend their time doing, who are the important people in their life? Then, you’ll be better equipped to assess your compatibility and fall for exactly who they are.[10]
    • What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to learn?
    • Describe your perfect first date.
    • What’s your go-to comfort food?
    • If your life were a movie, what genre would it be?
    • What’s the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received?
    • What’s a small moment that shaped who you are?
    • What’s a topic you could talk about for hours?
    • Who’s your favorite person, and why?
    • What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done?
    • If you had unlimited free time, what hobby would you pursue?
    • What’s your favorite way to unwind?
    • What’s a skill you admire in others but don’t have yourself?
    • What was the first piece of music you remember being excited to hear?
    • Would you rather take a trip to space or to the bottom of the sea?
    • What’s the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received?
    • What’s the most random thing on your bucket list?
    • If you could live anywhere for a year, where would it be?
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Section 8 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask About the Past and Future

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  1. Questions about the past and your future can give you a better understanding of what experiences have affected your partner, and what they envision for the rest of their life (and if that vision aligns with yours). Keegan gives an example of asking a question like “‘Did you know what kind of child you were?’” and digging into how they’ve evolved from then to now.[11] Alternatively, matchmaker and dating coach Courtney Quinlan adds, “ask about future goals like ‘Where do you want to be in the next five years from now?’ to make sure you’re aligned in your goals.”[12]
    • Who was your role model growing up, and why?
    • What past challenges have made you stronger as a person?
    • How have your past relationships affected how you feel about love?
    • What are some of your most precious family memories?
    • What’s your earliest memory that you can remember?
    • How have you handled change and uncertainty in the past?
    • What are your personal hopes and dreams for the future?
    • What family traditions from your childhood do you most want to preserve?
    • How do you want to be remembered after you’re gone?
    • What’s the most defining moment of your life?
    • How did your parents affect your view of relationships?
    • What was one of your favorite pastimes as a child?
    • What’s one of the hardest experiences you’ve been through?
    • What role do you see your past playing in our future together?
    • What does your future dream home look like?
    • Do you want to have pets?
    • Is there something from your past that you haven’t fully processed yet? How can I support you?
Section 9 of 15:

Relationship Questions about Growth, Dreams & Ambitions

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  1. In a healthy and long-lasting relationship, you want to grow both as individuals and as a couple.[13] So, it’s worth exploring what each of your biggest dreams and ambitions are, including the ones that you’re too scared to share aloud. Only then can the pair of you support and encourage each other to work hard and achieve your goals.[14]
    • What are your biggest goals for the next five years?
    • Who’s been the most important mentor for your career?
    • What motivates you to work hard and succeed?
    • What skill would you like to master?
    • What’s one habit you have that you’d like to change?
    • If you could start any business, what would it be?
    • What project have you always wanted to start?
    • Who most inspires you to follow your dreams?
    • What dream have you held onto since childhood?
    • What’s one thing you hope to accomplish in the next year?
    • Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
    • What’s a dream vacation you’ve always wanted to take?
    • What’s a charitable cause you’d like to support together as a couple?
    • What are you most proud of accomplishing in the last year?
    • What’s something you’ve always wanted to achieve but have been too scared to pursue?
    EXPERT TIP
    Courtney Quinlan

    Courtney Quinlan

    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.
    Courtney Quinlan
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach

    Communication is key to any good relationship. Being able to have open and honest communication about where you stand, where you see things in the future, and working together to make those dreams come true. Or, if they’re too far apart, asking if this is something that’s right now or will be right in the future.

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Section 10 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask About Fears & Insecurities

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  1. Unsurprisingly, fears and insecurities are some of the most difficult things for many people to share with their loved ones—including their partner. You’re exposing your deepest wounds and soft spots, but it’s absolutely essential that your partner knows which things most emotionally trigger and impact you.[15] Only then can they really learn how to care for you and support you in your toughest moments—and only by learning theirs can you do the same for them.[16]
    • How do you feel about sharing your insecurities, and what would help?
    • What makes you feel most vulnerable in our relationship?
    • Is there anything you’re worried about, like cheating, that I might not be aware of?
    • What are your biggest fears, and how do you cope with them?
    • What’s something you’ve never told anyone else before?
    • How do you feel when we spend time apart?
    • What makes you feel secure in our relationship?
    • How do you handle feelings of jealousy or insecurity?
    • What’s something you’ve been afraid to tell me?
    • Have you ever been hurt in a past relationship? How has that affected our relationship?
    • Do you ever feel unsure about how I feel about you?
    • What’s your biggest fear about being in a committed relationship?
    • Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough for me?
    • Do you ever worry that our differences might create conflict in the future?
    • What insecurities do you see in me that I might not realize?
    • When do you feel most overwhelmed in our relationship?
    • Do you have any insecurities about your physical appearance that affect our relationship?
Section 11 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask About Values

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  1. A person’s values are the most important factors that affect their compatibility with a romantic partner. Whether you two see eye to eye on family, politics, religion, social issues, and your general approach to life will be a deciding factor in the lasting power of your relationship. While you certainly don’t need to agree on everything, it can be helpful to know which core values you share and which ones you don’t.[17]
    • What values do your most meaningful relationships share?
    • What sort of family values do you feel strongly about?
    • What values are most important to you?
    • What values do you most appreciate in others?
    • What’s one value you hold that you feel is important for our relationship?
    • Are there any religious or spiritual beliefs that are important to you?
    • How important is honesty and communication in a relationship to you?
    • Is it important for you to have similar political views to your partner?
    • How do you feel about marriage and commitment?
    • How important is family to you?
    • Do you believe in forgiveness in a relationship?
    • How important is financial stability to you in a relationship?
    • Do you think it’s important to have separate interests in a relationship?
    • How do your values influence your daily choices and actions?
    • What values do you want your community or society to hold?
    • How do your values differ from those of your family or friends?
    • Do you have any values that have changed significantly throughout your life?
    • What values are you currently struggling to express or prioritize?
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Section 12 of 15:

Questions About Intimacy & Communication

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  1. Intimacy and communication are two of the most significant parts of a relationship. Communicating with your partner and developing both emotional and physical intimacy can help you feel closer, navigate conflict better, and have more fun sharing your lives together! To improve your mutual approach to communication and intimacy, here are some questions you can ask:[18]
    • How do you feel most connected to me?
    • What small gestures make you feel most appreciated?
    • What’s one thing I can do to support you emotionally?
    • What’s an intimate or sexual experience you’d like us to explore?
    • Is monogamy important to you?
    • What act of love have you seen that you’d like to bring into our relationship?
    • When did you first realize you were falling in love with me?
    • What have you been hesitant to share, and how can I help?
    • When do you feel most proud of our relationship?
    • Could we adjust our communication to make sure we’re both heard?
    • How do you feel about how we handle stress together?
    • How do you feel about how we compromise on emotional labor and decision-making?
    • How much quality time together feels right to you, and why?
    • What’s your love language?
    • How do you feel about sharing your thoughts and feelings with me?
    • Have you ever felt triggered by something I did or said? Can you tell me about it?
Section 13 of 15:

Relationship Questions to Ask About Favorite Things

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  1. Getting to know your partner’s likes, dislikes, and favorite things can feel pretty basic…but that doesn’t mean it’s not important! Paying attention to what your partner shares with you can go a long way in making them feel like you really care.[19] For example, picking up your partner’s favorite food when they’ve had a long day at work can be a really meaningful act of service…unless you don’t know their favorite food and pick up something they aren’t super fond of.
    • What’s your favorite book and why?
    • What’s your favorite way to spend time with your family?
    • What was your favorite toy or game as a child?
    • What’s your favorite season and why?
    • What’s your favorite holiday? What’s your favorite way to celebrate it?
    • What’s your favorite place to relax?
    • What’s your favorite color and why?
    • What’s your favorite genre of movie or TV show?
    • What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
    • What’s your favorite sport or type of physical activity?
    • What’s your favorite type of cuisine?
    • What’s your favorite quote or saying?
    • What’s your favorite type of weather?
    • What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?
    • What’s your favorite movie of all time, and why?
    • What’s your favorite type of flower?
    • What’s your favorite decadent dessert?
    • Sanders recommends asking “them what their favorite subject to learn in high school or college was.”[20]
    • She also advises to ask about “their favorite place to travel to and why.”[21]
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Section 14 of 15:

How do questions help your relationship?

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  1. Questions make your relationship stronger, healthier, and more exciting. Having open and mutual communication about each other’s experiences, needs, and feelings can truly help to build a stronger connection and work on all the things you need to have a healthy relationship.[22] More specifically, asking questions in your relationship can help you:[23]
    • Develop trust and understanding by listening to your partner’s answers and showing that you value their thoughts and feelings.
    • Improve communication skills by encouraging each other to articulate your thoughts and feelings and listen to the other person without interruption or judgment.[24]
    • Discover your partner’s core beliefs and values, which can help you better understand their actions and prevent future misunderstandings and conflicts.
    • Deepen your emotional intimacy as you become more comfortable sharing your fears and dreams and offering support to each other.
    • Keep the relationship fresh by asking questions as both of you grow and change, rather than falling into routines and sticking with your original assessments of each other.
    • Discover new shared experiences and interests like hobbies, projects, and date ideas you might not have realized you both had in common or wanted to do together.[25]
Section 15 of 15:

FAQs: Relationship Questions

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  1. 1
    How can I ask my partner questions without it feeling like an interview? Try to frame your questions as casual conversation starters and start with lighthearted questions about their favorite movies, hobbies, or memories so the conversation doesn’t feel so intense. You should also ask open-ended questions with follow-ups to show your interest and spark further discussion. Make sure the questions go both ways—share your answers and allow your partner to ask questions, too.
  2. 2
    How often should you have deep conversations in a relationship? There’s no right answer for how often you should have deep conversations in a relationship. Rather, you should trust your instincts on when to have deep conversations based on you and your partner’s needs and communication styles. For some couples, daily deep talks may be helpful and enjoyable. Other couples might prefer to have more in-depth discussions every few days or weeks.[26]
  3. 3
    What should I do if my partner doesn’t want to answer certain questions? Start by trying to empathize with your partner and why they might feel uncomfortable with a certain question. Use “I” statements to let your partner know that you understand where they’re coming from while also expressing your needs in wanting to communicate with your partner and learn more about them through certain questions. If your partner needs more time and space to think through their response, give them that without any pressure.[27]
  4. 4
    How do I know if my partner isn’t ready for deep conversations? You might notice that your partner isn’t actively engaging with you when you ask them questions—maybe they change the subject, offer very brief and limited answers, or seem disinterested in the conversation altogether. If you two haven’t been together for very long, they may just not feel ready to be fully vulnerable yet. If you have been together for some time, however, their reaction may show a fear of vulnerability, a difference in communication styles, or feelings of disconnection in the relationship.[28]
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References

  1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Kevin Nahai. Therapist, Life Coach, and Couples Counselor. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
  5. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-women-need-in-a-relationship-10-essential-elements-for-a-strong-and-fulfilling-relationship
  7. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/questions-to-ask-your-girlfriend
  8. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-men-need-in-a-relationship-10-essential-elements-for-a-strong-and-fulfulling-relationship
  9. ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/healthy-relationships/top-tips-building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships
  1. ↑ Kevin Nahai. Therapist, Life Coach, and Couples Counselor. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/grow-individually-in-a-relationship/
  5. ↑ Zamira Pla. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Embodiment Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ Zamira Pla. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Embodiment Coach. Expert Interview
  7. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-triggers/
  8. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/values-in-a-relationship
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-of-entitlement/201905/intimacy-and-communication
  10. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4560465/
  11. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  12. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ Zamira Pla. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Embodiment Coach. Expert Interview
  14. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-questions-happy-couples-constantly-asking-one-another/
  15. ↑ Kevin Nahai. Therapist, Life Coach, and Couples Counselor. Expert Interview
  16. ↑ Kevin Nahai. Therapist, Life Coach, and Couples Counselor. Expert Interview
  17. ↑ https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/blog/deep-meaningful-conversations
  18. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/communication/reasons-husband-wont-talk/
  19. ↑ https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/understanding-men/my-boyfriend-is-sick-of-my-heavy-conversation

About This Article

Sixu Chen
Co-authored by:
Sixu Chen
Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Sixu Chen and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Sixu Chen is a career and relationship coach, as well as an accomplished interior designer, based in Bellevue, Washington. She is the founder of SCcoaching Group, launched in 2020, and is a certified coach through the Life Purpose Institute. Sixu specializes in guiding young professionals and multi-talented individuals through transformative self-discovery journeys to design fulfilling career paths. She is the creator of the CONFIDENT Career Creation program, specifically designed to help creative minds find clarity, confidence, and direction in their professional lives. In her relationship coaching, Sixu focuses on strengthening communication skills to build deeper, more meaningful connections. She also fosters a community of growth-minded professionals by hosting Coach Connect, a weekly networking event on zoom that brings coaches together to collaborate, share, and support each other. Alongside her coaching work, Sixu channels her creativity into interior design, partnering with Beth Bloom Designs as an independent contractor. She earned her Bachelor of Arts in Interior Design from the California College of the Arts. This article has been viewed 2,349 times.
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