What Is The Thumb Thing While Holding Hands (and What Does It Mean)?

The thumb thing is a subtle way of flirting that involves gently rubbing your thumb on the person you’re interested in. While you usually rub your thumb on their hand, there are other body parts you can do the thumb thing on, like the shoulders and waist. In this article, we explain what the thumb thing is and what it means, how to do it, and more. We also enlisted the help of matchmakers and dating experts to give you advice on how to flirt respectfully.

What is the thumb thing in relationships?

The thumb thing is when partners interlock hands and one of them (usually the male) gently rubs their thumb on the other’s hand. The thumb thing may be done consciously or unconsciously and is typically a sign that someone is attracted to you. You can also do it on other body parts, like the shoulder, waist, and thighs.

Section 1 of 7:

What is the thumb thing?

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The thumb thing is a soft, light rub of your thumb on someone’s hand. The thumb thing is a flirting method where two people interlock their hands and one of them softly rubs their thumb on the other’s palm. The thumb thing can also be done on other body parts, like the shoulder, hand, waist, and thighs. Although it’s typically done by guys, anyone can do the thumb thing.^{[1]
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- The thumb is typically rubbed up and down or in a circular motion.
- Some people find the thumb thing sweet and comforting, while others find it suggestive, uncomfortable, and pushy. It depends on their relationship with the person doing it and the context of the situation.

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What does the thumb thing mean?

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When someone does the thumb thing, it means they're attracted to you. The thumb thing is usually a subtle way to flirt with you. Depending on the situation, they may be subconsciously doing it due to their interest in you. They may also do it to show you that they’re interested and test your boundaries. Physical touch is typically a sign of attraction, so it makes sense this is a sign of flirting, even if it’s more covert.^{[2]
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Research source} This flirting becomes more overt when it’s done on certain parts of the body, like your waist or thighs:
- Shoulder: Depending on the context, it can be a sign of flirting or comfort. For example, if you recently went through something tough, a thumb rub on the shoulder may be a way to comfort you. But during a date, it’s likely flirting.
- Hand: The thumb thing on the hand is a subtle sign of flirting and usually means the person is romantically interested in you.
- Waist: The thumb thing on the waist is a more overt way of flirting. It typically means the person is attracted to you.
- Thigh: The thumb thing on the thigh is the most obvious way to flirt (using this method, at least). It means that the person is interested in you and likely wants to move the relationship forward.

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How to Do The Thumb Thing

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Interlock your fingers with your partner and gently rub your thumb on their hand. Make sure your partner is okay with you grabbing their hand before you try to do the thumb thing. Then, once your fingers are interlocked, gently press your thumb against the back of their hand and softly rub it up and down or in a circular motion.
- According to dating coach Candice Mostisser, asking for consent is a great way to make sure the person you’re pursuing is okay with your actions. If they are okay with them, you can elevate the date and initiate physical intimacy.^{[3]
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  Candice Mostisser
  Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- If you decide to do the thumb thing on another part of their body, remember to ask for consent and observe their body language to make sure they’re comfortable.
- According to matchmaker Maria Avgitidis, a person’s body language will signify their discomfort. When someone is uncomfortable with your advances, they will typically turn their feet away, take steps back, and stop contributing to the conversation.^{[4]
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  Maria Avgitidis
  Matchmaker & Dating Expert
  
  Expert Interview}

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How to Respond to the Thumb Thing

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When someone you’re romantically interested in does the thumb thing to you, it’s usually a sign that they’re flirting. So, let them know that you’re interested by softly rubbing your thumb on their hand or another part of their body. For example, if they do the thumb thing on your waist, you can match their advance by rubbing your thumb on their thigh.
Pull your body back and let the person who’s trying to do the thumb thing know that you aren’t okay with that and to stop. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings, either. When you’re rejecting someone who you aren’t interested in, dating and relationship coach Mark Rosenfeld says it’s best to be honest and genuine rather than spare their feelings, as it’ll let the person know what they’re doing wrong.^{[5]
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Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

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Other Subtle Ways to Flirt

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Smile, make eye contact, and stay engaged. Dating coach Cher Gopman says to smile and stay engaged when flirting, as a smile allows the person you’re flirting with to relax and feel at ease with you.^{[6]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Expert Interview} When you’re trying to show your crush that you’re interested in them, gently smile and make eye contact, especially when they’re talking, as it’ll show that you’re engaged and care about what they have going on.
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Casually touch their arm. A casual touch is a classic way to show that you’re romantically interested in someone. Even if your crush isn’t the best when it comes to seeing signals and signs, a gentle touch on the arm can be just what they need to notice your advances. Gently touch their arm when you’re talking, brush your hand against their arm when you’re walking somewhere, or playfully hit their arm when they make jokes.^{[7]
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Like their social media stories and posts. Liking your crush’s story or post is a great way to show them that you’re interested without being too pushy. Don’t just like one post every few months, either. Consistently like their posts and occasionally like their story to subtly show your interest. If they post a selfie that you think is cute, don’t be afraid to like it! It may just lead to something more serious, like them sliding into your DMs.^{[8]
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Do girls like it when guys do the thumb thing?

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It depends on your relationship and how close you two are. If you do the thumb thing to a girl that you’ve been talking to for a while, they may enjoy it if they’re romantically interested in you. But, if you just met a girl or you two aren’t close and you do the thumb thing, there’s a good chance that you will make her uncomfortable, as it can be a suggestive gesture. It all depends on the context of the situation and how close you are to the girl you want to do the thumb thing to.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Mansour Mansouri
Communication Coach and English Professor

Expert Interview}
- Their level of comfort may also depend on the body part you’re touching. For example, they may be comfortable if you do the thumb thing on their hand but uncomfortable if you do it on their thigh.

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Final Thoughts

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The thumb thing is a subtle gesture that usually indicates attraction. While the thumb thing does help express attraction, it can easily be perceived as pushy and suggestive depending on the relationship between the two people. If the thumb thing is done between two people who like each other, it can be a fun, subtle way to build intimacy, but only if everyone is comfortable. Whether the thumb thing is being done on the hand, shoulders, waist, or thighs, it’s best to ask for consent so no one is uncomfortable.