Acts of Service Love Language: Everything You Need to Know

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Dating coach & matchmaker Crista Beck offers action ideas & communication tips for Acts of Service partners

Co-authored by Alexandra Solomon, PhD and Elaine Heredia, BA

Last Updated: December 3, 2025 Fact Checked

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Meaning

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Examples

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Is it your love language?

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Is it your partner's love language?

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Performing Acts of Service

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Receiving Acts of Service

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Aligning with Other Love Languages

Do you get a thrill when your partner brings you your favorite coffee in the morning? Is your way of saying "I love you" cooking dinner every night? If so, your love language might be Acts of Service! Come with us to explore what the Acts of Service love language means, action examples, how to tell if it's your love language, how to tell if it's your partner's, how to give and receive Acts of Service, and how to align it with the other 4 love languages. We'll also share communication and relationship advice from dating coach and matchmaker Crista Beck and licensed professional counselor Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC.

What is the Acts of Service love language?

Dating coach & matchmaker Crista Beck says Acts of Service is one of the 5 love languages. Someone with this love language loves their partner by doing things to make their life better. They feel most loved when their partner does the same for them. They also feel rejected when their partner doesn't reciprocate or do what they ask.

Section 1 of 7:

Acts of Service Love Language Meaning

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Acts of service are when someone shows love through their actions. This person may not say, "I love you" very often or shower you with kisses every day. But they might be more than happy to cook, clean, or run errands for you, or do other "action-oriented acts" to show you their love, says Beck.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview} They might also plan elaborate dates or vacations, or take special care to make your coffee just the way you like it. And they usually do it all without being asked!^{[2]
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- The 5 Love Languages: Acts of Service is one of the 5 love languages that Gary Chapman writes about in his bestselling guide to relationships. The other 4 languages are Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
- No matter what your favorite love language is, doing at least a few Acts of Service is essential to a healthy romantic relationship!
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Crista Beck is a dating coach and matchmaker with over 15 years of experience. She specializes in helping people become open to love and find a partner.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. She has over 12 years of experience helping couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel a disconnect from each other.

Section 2 of 7:

Acts of Service Love Language Examples

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At home, your partner might express love by doing chores they don't normally do without asking, such as washing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, and taking out the trash. They might also volunteer to cook some or all of your meals and shop for groceries. Their acts of service can even apply to more mundane activities, like making your monthly household budget and paying bills.
You'll never have to worry about an Acts of Service partner not putting effort into your romantic night out. They may even enjoy planning the date (or they may prefer you to handle logistics as a way of showing them love). They might also view sex as an Act of Service, so this might be a great time to set aside for intimacy.
Inspired by their Acts of Service love language, your partner might wake up early to cook breakfast or make lunch for you to take to work or school. They might also have dinner ready when you get home. If you've had a long day, they may put on your favorite TV show or take on one of your nightly chores, so you can rest.
If you're sick, hurt, or stressed, your Acts of Service partner will try to make you as comfortable as possible. They'll nurse you, pick up your medicine, and provide nourishing food and beverages to help you feel better. If you're injured, they'll move furniture, bring you things, and try to accommodate all your needs. They'll also help you relax by giving you a massage, drawing you a bath, playing soft music, and more.

Section 3 of 7:

How to Tell If Acts of Service Is Your Love Language

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Your happiest memories of your partner are of them doing things for you. Whether that's changing your flat tire, helping you move, or planning a special trip just for the two of you. Best of all is when they perform an Act of Service without you having to request it!^{[3]
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You feel rejected when your partner doesn't do what you asked them to do. If you've ever asked your partner to do something, and they said "No" or haven't done it yet, you may have felt like they don't love or value you. When you ask them to do something, you're "bidding" for their love. When they reject that bid, it feels like they're rejecting you and therefore don't love you.^{[4]
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- In most cases, your partner does love you! They just don't know how to communicate their love to you in your love language yet.
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You feel hurt when you think your partner isn't putting in any effort. Some people don't realize they experience love differently from their partners. For someone whose love language is Acts of Service, this might lead them to feel resentful when their partner isn't putting in what they think is enough effort into their Acts of Service. For example, you might get upset when your partner tells you they cleaned the house, and then reveals that they hired someone to do it for them.^{[5]
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- Still not sure if Acts of Service is your love language? Take our fun "What's My Love Language?" quiz to get a better idea!

Section 4 of 7:

How to Tell If Acts of Service Is Your Partner's Love Language

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When your partner's love language is Acts of Service, you may find that they ask you for help around the house a lot. It's not that they need it. What they're really doing is requesting you to do things because Acts of Service make them feel valued.^{[6]
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Let's say your Acts of Service partner asks you to fold the laundry, and you don't do it immediately, or you forget about it. As the day wears on with the laundry still sitting in the basket, you might notice your partner acting peeved toward you. While their frustration might seem like an overreaction, understand that they're upset because they feel as if you've rejected them. In their mind, you didn't respect their request, and therefore, you don't respect them.
People who give love through Acts of Service want to receive love the same way. This means they get excited when their partners plan outings for them. It shows them they're worth the effort, and it also takes the weight of responsibility for planning things off their shoulders.

Section 5 of 7:

How to Perform Acts of Service

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Instead of doing a bunch of things you think they would (or should) like, ask your partner outright which Acts of Service would help them or brighten their day. For example, you may think that they would appreciate you taking out the trash, but what they really want is for you to throw your dirty laundry in the hamper instead of tossing it on the floor.^{[7]
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Make a list of Acts of Service your partner likes and do 1-2 a day. Dr. Vossenkemper suggests spending about 30 minutes writing down "a bunch of different types of Acts of Service" you could do for your partner. Then, do one or two of those things every day to show your partner that you're putting in effort to please them.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Interview} Here are some examples of small things you could try:
- Make their coffee or tea in the morning
- Pack their lunch
- Do one of their chores
- Pick up dinner
- Drop off their dry cleaning
- Walk their dog
Doing things for your partner is great, but don't take it so far that you get burned out. Expressing this love language doesn't mean relieving your partner of all their responsibilities so they never have to lift a finger. If you do, you'll only become worn out and resentful when they don't reciprocate and you're stuck with more work than ever. It means being considerate of their needs, feelings, and desires, and making little gestures when you can to make their life easier or brighten their day. Remember, Acts of Service are really acts of love!^{[9]
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Section 6 of 7:

How to Receive Acts of Service from Your Partner

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The thing your partner wants most when they do something for you is to feel your appreciation. Remember to thank them with a smile, and maybe even a hug and a kiss. You might also tell your friends and family some of the nice things your partner does to show the world how proud, happy, and grateful you are to be with them.^{[10]
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Alexandra Solomon, PhD
Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview}
If there's something specific you need or want your partner to do for you, communicate with them about it. Don't assume they'll do it on their own, especially if they have no idea it's important to you. This way, if they can't or don't want to do it, you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you.^{[11]
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If your partner doesn't perform as many Acts of Service as you want, it could mean a million things. Maybe they have a lot on their mind, or maybe they have a completely different love language and don't know how to express yours. But it's probably not because they don't love you. Instead of getting angry or resentful when they don't meet your expectations, talk about your expectations with them—and learn what they want from you, as well!^{[12]
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Expert Source

Alexandra Solomon, PhD
Relationship Therapist

Expert Interview}

Section 7 of 7:

How to Align Acts of Service with Other Love Languages

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Discover your partner's love language by talking to them. Beck suggests having a conversation with your partner to discover their love language and gain a better understanding of their needs. Your relationship "is like a partnership at the end of the day," she says, "so you want to make sure that you're both feeling love the way you like to be loved."^{[13]
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Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- If your partner isn't sure how they prefer giving and receiving love, have them take our love languages quiz or ask them to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
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Love your partner with Acts of Service that match their love language. Think of things you can do for your partner that also incorporate the way they feel and express love. Remember, you're doing them out of love and consideration for your partner, so they should be things they would actually appreciate and enjoy. Below are some of Beck's suggestions for things to do based on your partner's primary love language:
- Words of Affirmation: Leave love notes for your partner around the house, Beck suggests. Write down what you admire about them, things they do that you appreciate, words of encouragement, etc.^{[14]
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  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview}
- Receiving Gifts: Give them experiences instead of just trinkets. Take them to their favorite theme park, book a weekend getaway, go on a wine tour, etc.^{[15]
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  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview}
- Quality Time: Plan regular date nights or activities. During these one-on-one sessions, Beck emphasizes, you should put away your phone and pay attention to your partner.^{[16]
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  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview}
- Physical Touch: Massage your partner, snuggle, play with their hair, try a new sex act they've been asking you to do, etc.^{[17]
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  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
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